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Should I just get over it? If so, how?

I love my husband, our family, and our life together. BUT, I feel jipped. He was married before and had a real wedding, real reception, honeymoon, etc. Me, not so much. This is my first (and last :) ) marriage. I got an engagement ring (not the one I wanted, nor was I proposed to) in the mail while he was in England. I never wanted a lavish wedding. I wanted something outdoors with close friends and immediate family. No wedding dress, no cake, no wedding song, etc. I had my heart set on our wedding date, which is the only thing that we actually got. Don't get me wrong, somehow being married in an ordained minister's livingroom after work fit for us, we are always doing crazy things, and I have great memories from the day. But I really feel like I missed out. Lol, I am almost in tears as I type this. I never make a fuss over myself. But I just wanted that one day. Now it's over. I can't even stand to watch brides on television because it gets me choked up. I don't want him to feel bad about it, but I'm resentful. second wife, second life. The b*&ch that cheated on him and treated him like dirt got the wedding, and I got a marriage certificate.

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Asked by LoraGardiner at 10:52 PM on Apr. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Level 10 (386 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Hey!! Now, I know your feeling sad, but is he making your LIFE everything you've ever imagined it to be?
    Are you happy?? Does he make you feel "special"?

    I have a friend that was like you, never had the "Wedding", I think it was her 1st, his 2nd marriage. Anyway, on their 10th Anniversary
    (2010) he did it ALL. Nothing super lavish, but she got her wedding dress, they renewed their vowes and had the reception. She's as happy as ever. She never even had a ring until their 10th Anniversary.

    Would you consider something like that?

    Answer by ItsJustMe1017 at 10:56 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • I'm sorry you feel that way sweetie. Is there anyway you guys could renew your vows and have a ceremony? I was never one who dreamed of a wedding and I didn;t get one either, by choice but I did regret that choice later. Hope ya feel better.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 10:57 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • I know how you feel. When my DH and I first got married I didn't think about it much, I just wanted to be married. We got married by a JOP with just our parents and siblings. We didn't have a reception or honeymoon and at the time I was fine with that but then all my friends got married and had real weddings and I realized I wanted that too. I told my DH how I felt and so we saved up some money and on our 5th anniversary we had a real wedding - I got to pick out the perfect dress with my sister, we renewed our vows in the church that both mine and his folks were married in, we had an actual wedding party, we went on a real honeymoon. Just because you are already married doesn't mean you've missed your chance. You and your husband can renew your vows in a big way with the wedding you really want.

    Answer by anon1986East at 11:11 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • Renewing vows is great for alot of people, but I just don't think it's for me. To me, it's like missing out on taking a picture and someone saying, hey! Do that again so I can get it on film this time! But really, the moment is gone.

    Comment by LoraGardiner (original poster) at 11:18 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • Tell him at some point you would like a simple outdoor ceremony to renew your vows. Some people actually do this. It's not like getting getting completely married again, but a simple reminder of what your marriage means to the both of you. Just invite the immediate family. Tell him you would like that for Mother's Day. If he can't get it together for this year, next year would be fine.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:23 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • If thats the only thing wrong in your life, you should be happy and get over it...

    Answer by girlglow6 at 2:29 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • I'm a professional wedding performer and I've attended dozens upon dozens of weddings. In every case, and I mean every case, the day wasn't ideal in some way, shape or form. I have never worked a wedding where the bride wasn't in a state of High Pissoff over something.
    My point is, weddings are overrated, expensive sources of amazing stress. Now, what y'all ought to do is plan and execute a dream honeymoon, that would be money well spent on enhancing your relationship.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 8:58 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • I think that maybe when the kids are older and I feel comfortable leaving them with grandma and grandpa for a week that he and I will go to Sedona, Arizona. Just the two of us :)

    Comment by LoraGardiner (original poster) at 11:23 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

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