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How can I seem more thankful for something that upset me so much?

I am seven months pregnant and my boyfriend and I had just started picking things out for our nursery. I go to my sisters every Friday to watch my nephew, and he kept telling me about this surprise he had for me that all of my girlfriends and even my dad were in on. Just because I had a feeling, I made him aware that anything beyond painting the nurser without me would upset me a lot. Sure enough, that's exactly what he was planning. He denied it and went ahead with it anyways. Now painting it is one thing. Putting furniture together is okay too. But I did not get the opportunity to do anything in that nursery. For lack of a better word I am jealous. Also the control freak part of me is upset because him and my girlfriends went out shopping for all of the decorations my child would be seeing everyday, I made it clear how excited I was about all of it, but my friends worked so hard... I don;t know how to tell them that I'm doing things over. I had a definitive picture in my mind of what it should look like... it doesn't fit. I don't want to hurt anyone and I feel ungrateful, but I feel as though it is my maternal right to do this. Should I feel this ungrateful.

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HippieontheMoon

Asked by HippieontheMoon at 5:00 AM on Apr. 23, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 4 (32 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • not at all, you have every right to feel that way!! i would do the same thing!
    3HappylKidds

    Answer by 3HappylKidds at 5:19 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • I would explain to daddy that you told him how you felt. Explain that you are greatful but decorating is something you wanted to do. It is only natural. As far as the friends, I really wouldn't worry about them.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 5:38 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • They can be.... oversensitive I guess. I am the frst of all of us to get pregnant, and everyone seems to feel as though this is as much their own pregnancy as it is mine. I love that they are excited, and I adore that they would be willing to do this for me... I just hate that wasn't a part of it. I feel almost as if I was left out of planning my own wedding!
    HippieontheMoon

    Comment by HippieontheMoon (original poster) at 5:41 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • Just be honest and tell them how you feel. You don't need to be left out of anything that has to do with your baby. Someone should have realized how you would feel and stopped it. They didn't and now they need to deal with the consequences of being inconsiderate. If that means that they get their feelings hurt, oh well, tit for tat.
    Kimedbs

    Answer by Kimedbs at 7:31 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • You tell them that you are so thankful that they love you and care about you and the baby so much that they were willing to do this, and that your baby is going to be so lucky to have so many people in his or her life that love them. And, because you know they love you both (you and baby) so much, and you know how much fun THEY had shopping for your baby, that you're sure that they will understand that it's important to you as the mom to get to be a part of that process, too, so you're sure they will understand when you do your own shopping and make some changes to make it more personal for you.

    Are any of them married? If so, if they do get upset, ask them - nicely - how they would have felt if they had found out one day that their entire wedding - from the dress they wore to the guest list, etc - had all been planned paid for, and set up by someone else - without their knowledge or input?

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:45 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • cont

    If they aren't married but they're living in their own place, then, again, nicely and gently - ask them how it would feel to them if they came home and found out that, again, without their knowledge or input, someone had gone into their homes and completely redecorated their house to suit their (the decorators) tastes?

    Because yes, that's a loving and generous gift, but it's not something that they - as the bride or occupant of the house - should be left out of.... Just as how you, as the mother of the baby, should not have been left out of this... Their feelings might still be hurt, and they might make this about you not being grateful. Don't "go there", and try not to get upset. Just stick to your point - gently but firmly. Because honestly, if you don't do it now - then when will you? When one of them decides to give your baby solid food for the first time, or take them for their first hair cut, etc...?

    gl!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:49 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • Aww. That was nice of them. I understand how you feel. I think you should change it around to the way you want to. You and baby are the ones hanging out there. It's your nest. Build it the way you want. Be gracious and show much love to your bf and friends. If they ask why the changes, just tell them you prefer it this way. You're the momma.
    Autumn07

    Answer by Autumn07 at 8:14 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • I would feel the same way, it is your baby your nursery to decorate and do as you want, and they should understand this.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:26 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • I would feel the exact same way. I am suprised that so many people were involved and that they thought this was ok to leave you out of. I would graciously thank them, and then do things my way.
    sheena696

    Answer by sheena696 at 9:22 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • I totally understand. I'm a control freak too. Is there ANYTHING you like about the nursery? I would talk to the most understanding out of your friends and let them know that you are so incredibly grateful to have friends that would spend this much time doing something for you and your little one. Tell them that however, there are parts of the nursery that you were thinking about changing and it's not their fault. You just have different tastes (maybe even blame pregnancy nesting or hormones). I would try to keep as much as you can that they did for you and change the important things to you. It's just a nursery anyway, it's GOING to change as they grow, so if as the years go by things that they got you gradually get switched with other things, it's only natural.
    ours

    Answer by ours at 10:24 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

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