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Do i let them fight?

I have had it with my kids! two boys, 2 yrs and 6 yrs, so an obvious large amount of years between them both physically and developmentally. My 6 year old is constantly harping on and bossing around my 2 year old. Any chance he gets he yells at him for something or physically assaults him (nothing major, but he will push him or smack him with a toy to get him away from him). I try to make things fair because 2 year olds are annoying and ofcourse always wanting to be and do exactly as big brother does. They do not have seperate rooms because it is not a possiblilty, nor do we have a play room besides our front room. I give older brother 'alone time' every day so he can be left alone, and he also has specific toys he doesnt have to share, but he is still having a hard time sharing anything.. ever. He really believes everything is his no matter how I try to explain to him its not. He loves to share with friends, just not his brother. He tells me he hates his brother and wishes he was dead.. It is killing me. Every morning I wake up to them already screaming at each other..a nd it continues all day. By 10 I am feeling murderous. I cant possibly keep them seperated all day... I just dont know what to do. So tired of breaking up their fights, but i feel like i have to because my 6 year old has such a great adventage. I try to be fair about whos in trouble because i knwo it isnt always the older one, even though he is the one who is much more aggressive. If they were closer in age I would let them just fight it out. I really got mean with my oldest just now because I caught him smacking my 2 year old over the head with a toy... I just cant figure out how explain to him that it is not nice or acceptable... I try but he just doesnt listen. I feel awful.. Other than their issues he is an amazing and very sensitive guy.

HELP! How do I handle this?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:22 PM on Apr. 23, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • I stuff both of mine in the corner or time out when they start doing that. both in a different room or different part of the room. 2 &5 year-old girls here.. just drives me nuts!!
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 12:26 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • Personally next time the 6 years old belts your 2 years old with a toy i say take all their toys away and sit them in seprate rooms for 15 mins for the 6 yrs old 5 for the 2 yrs old. and tel lthem Neither oen of them gets to play now.

    I grew up with 2 brothers and 3 sisters
    When us girls couldnt get along my father would always say "IF YOU CAN'T GET ALONG YOU CAN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER GO sit inthe kitchen- you to the bedroom- you sit in the living room and you sit in mommy's room" we weren't aloud to talk to eahc other for 3 days and that made us really think hard about our actions and i was 4 at the time.

    Jersey_class

    Answer by Jersey_class at 12:30 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • You have to set rules for both of them. In our house (9y, 7, 6, 5, 2) there is NO hitting for any reason. Sometimes, the baby (2y) has to stay in the living room while the rest of the kids play in the rooms so, they can get time away from her. If they want to yell and be loud they can go to timeout. Good luck. I hope you get it figured out.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 12:30 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • Your situation sounds almost identical to mine. I'm an only child. My son is 7, my daughter is 4. On days when he's home from school I'm ready to duct tape the kids to the ceiling by their toenails by noon. He bosses, he whines, he bullies, he cheats, etc. It's never ending and drives me CRAZY!!!!! My husband is the 5th of 6 kids and tells me I let it get to me too much, that this is what siblings do. I want to tell him: REALLY!!!???!? You have to listen to them bicker for an HOUR, I listen to it ALL F*CK*NG DAY.

    (end rant)

    You're not alone, and I really have no idea how to stop it other than to let my kids figure it out between themselves.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 12:40 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • There is no hitting in our home and we enforce that rule. We do not spank either so it is not something they think is in anyway the way to get your way, which helps. Even so my 17 yr old (yes 17 yr old) will argue with my 6 yr old. Sometimes I dont know whether to laugh or cry. I try to just enforce the fact he is much older and arguing with a kindergardener. That does seem to help.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:50 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • Wow... I must be blessed...my kids are perfect and never fight....LOL. Seriously, I feel your pain. If you figure it out please pass on your secrets.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 1:35 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • My number 1 rule, and I have very few rules, is no fighting. A persons home should be a place of safety and security, not a place where you get hurt or have to endure insults. My kids have to speak nicely to each other and with respect, of course this doesn't always happen but then they are in trouble; #1 rule. Of course this only works if you and your husband speak to each other nicely and with respect.


    Don't ever referee your kids. If they are fighting over a toy, take it away from both of them. Don't listen to who did what, if they're fighting they both get a time out. Tell your son if he hates his brother and wishes he was dead those are his feelings, but he's not allowed to verbalise them to his brother because those words are very hurtful and not ok.


    A close friend of mine had 3 boys and she wanted to let them fight it out. She soon realized that was a really bad idea.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:51 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • so how do u disipline for being mean? time outs and taking things doesnt seem to work. i try to scold for screaming or hitting but they just go do it again 5 minutes later. im too busy to try and keep them seperated. . . and they just dont listen no matter how mean i get. i also do tell my son not to say that he hates his brother but i tell him he is allowed to feel upset and that we dont all get along but we have to be nice to each other in our home. he seems to understand but an hour later its on again . . .
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:07 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • Anon, if taking things away doesn't work - well... what are they going to hit each other with? I take away the offending toy (the toy used for hitting) and put it in a toy time out. This can last from 15 min to all week for all I care. I explain to the kids that "we don't hit each other with toys in this house, and you hit your brother with spiderman. Spiderman is going to go to timeout and when you guys can learn how to play nicely and not hit each other with toys, he can come back to play."

    It sounds stupid... but it works. I've got an 8y/o a 3y/o and a 2y/o. Of course, sometimes I DO just let them "duke it out" but if they get to where they're actually HURTING each other I make them stop. What starts off as an arguement turns into a fun wrestling match within minutes.
    MunchiesMom324

    Answer by MunchiesMom324 at 3:47 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

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