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Friend's ex expects her to provide everything for visitation vent

My friend called me today to tell me that when her son (9 month's) BF came to pick him up for his first court ordered visit (every other sat from 10-4) he expected her to have a diaper bag packed. She handed him over and said goodbye to him and her ex said "wait where's the stuff" and she said "what stuff" he said "the diapers, wipes, formula, bottles, and extra clothes. She said, where ever you put it. He got mad that she expects him to provide for the child. She does get child support but he gets credit for having the child 1 day ever two weeks (even though he doesn't even have him that long since it's only 6 hours) so he gets to pay 1/15th less of the child support he should be paying. He also didn't have a car seat for the child, thinking she would just hand that over too. Well I guess it goes without saying she told him he couldn't take the baby without a car seat but was nice enough to say he could take him next weekend instead if he got all the things he needed for the baby first. He said he is going to take her back to court because she wouldn't let him take him but I don't think it will be a problem since he didn't have a car seat for him.

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Asked by JLS2388 at 3:28 PM on Apr. 23, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (27)
  • I think its ok for her to have the diaper bag packed but it would not hurt him to have some extras over at his place. And a carseat he should have. Did he or someone else drive him over to pick the baby up? does he plan to just stay in the house during the visits?

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 3:32 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • If money is an issue for the carseat they can check their local Freecycle

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 3:33 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • No, he is supposed to take the baby off. I am sure if the visit was in her home, she would just let him use her diapers and wipes but as he gets a break on child support for the amount of time the child is with him, surely he should be providing for the child.

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 3:34 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • She can still pack the bag, ONE diaper, ONE wipe, ONE of everything else....than he will have to figure it out that he needs to do his part too and buy what else is needed.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 3:37 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • I agree with mom on this too. My DD is still married but going to divorce her DH. I told her to tell him to buy his own car seat and diapers. Sense her and the girls are living with us for now, if he buys toys for their child to leave the toys over at his house. We have to many toys over here already. If it is not in the court papers she has to provide it she does not have to give it,, I say.


    Answer by louise2 at 3:37 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • He is at her house all week and with him for six hours he should have to buy the car seat and things to take care of him.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 3:51 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • If he wants to spend time with his son he needs to be a responsible parent and provide all of the supplies that his son will need. Some men just don't get it!!

    Answer by skittles1108 at 3:56 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • pinkdragon:moral reason, because he is the father
    legal/ financial reason, because he gets to pay less child support because he takes him some days and is expected to provide for him on those days

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 4:26 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • I agree with the mother. Dad should be responsible for all the things the baby needs while in his care. I think she did the right thing and I applaud her.

    Answer by meooma at 4:27 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • I have the SAME thing with my ex and our son. He wants me to bring clothes and EVERYTHING over. I don't, because he doesn't do anything to help his son. Wait, he pays a whole $5 a month....yippee! I'm RICH!!! lmao

    I tell him he needs to have things for his child when he has him. Of course, he gets pissed....It's his responsibility.

    Answer by GothicChk52 at 5:19 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

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