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My son doesn't want his dad at the wedding if he brings his wife UPDATE

My son, 24 has always hated his SM. They got married when he was 16. She was always the one to say "not my kid, no my problem" when he needed a ride or something or was in trouble BUT she always wanted to be front and center at all public events. She actually tried to sit in front of me at his graduation (asked me and my husband to move down so that her and my ex could sit first (we only saved on seat as my son didn't want her at his graduation either, but she showed up). Anyway, he told his dad that he wants him to come BUT he doesn't want his SM there, because she will try to make things all about her. (at his graduation she actually cried saying "look how good we did" to which I said "shut up, you've only been here a year and don't do crap for him". Anyway his dad is upset and called me to try to convince him to let her come. I said I might be able to IF she is willing to be a normal guest, sit with the normal guests, not up front, and maybe sit with some close family friends (none of his family can stand her). I knew this will piss her off (as she won't be front and center) but I asked my son anyway, he said she can come if that is the only way dad will but she will sit in the back and I don't want her in the formal pics. I understand who my son is feeling (she is also very rude to his bride to be ) but I know he really wants his dad there and I just don't know if this will be good enough for his dad. I just feel that his dad should just come since this is HIS son. Am I wrong?

So I went with what most of ya'll said and told him that he needs to speak with his father about it. At first the plan was not to invite her but he does want his dad there. Now his bride has made all the seating charts but she is willing to fit her in (which I think is very nice of her as SM has been very rude to her, SM even said that she might laugh if she wears white down the isle). However, he has told his dad that if he wants to bring his wife he may but she will sit with family friends at the ceremony and reception as the seating arrangements have already been made. He made it clear that she will not be there as immediate family, only as a normal guest. She will be sitting in the, I believe 3rd row in the ceremony, not with him and she is not welcome to stay for the formal pics. His dad says he is not sure his SM will go for it. He said he will be upset if his dad doesn't come but he is not going to give in to his SM's self centered ways.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:38 PM on Apr. 23, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (15)
  • Good. I hope SM just stays away so the family can enjoy son's big day.

    Answer by meooma at 4:45 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • ok.

    Answer by dullscissors at 4:46 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • Well if she does not accept the terms we know who the bigger person is for inviting her your son. she was invited and if she ruins it everyone will know who the child is

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:46 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • im sorry bbut your ex should try to be men enough and respect his son's wishes ... is his big day and he shouldnt have to worry about his day being ruin for the stupid sm .... if she was good and different towards him , then this situation shouldnt be happening !

    Answer by happymom1988 at 4:56 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • I hope your ex mans up and realizes this is about his son and he should miss one of the most important days of his life and that it's SM's fault for the problems. His son should come first.

    Answer by mrsvixen at 4:57 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • My son told me he is ready to cut his dad out of his life if he doesn't come to the wedding. I know this is upsetting my son so much, I hope my ex comes

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:18 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • I think that if it is his wedding, your son can choose. If he doesnt want her there, she doesnt need to be there. No matter where you sit her, or what you tell her, she may end up RUINING your sons big day for him, and creating more stress overall. I would talk to his father and convince him to leave her at home, so that your son can have his day, HIS WAY...

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 5:52 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • Its your sons big day and he should have it the way he wants to. If his dad cant respect that then he doesnt need to be there either.

    Answer by gemgem at 5:53 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • Frankly, I think your son needs to behave like a grown-up and realize that you can't invite your father without his spouse. She may be detestable, but not inviting her is rude.

    Answer by SWasson at 5:58 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • If she doesn't like she shouldn't come at all, and you can have her escorted out if she oversteps that is what wedding planners and usher are for.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 6:40 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

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