I am having some issues. A bit of a back story I have been married to my husband for 6 years, we meet 9 years ago and he has had custody of his children since we meet. He has 3 kids from a previous marriage, they are 21, 19 & 17. The 21 year old he did not raise she wanted to stay with their mom. The other 2 my husband and I did.
Their mother never was a mother ... she only showed up on Christmas and Easter to pick them up for a couple hours. My step daughter (19) has had the most trauma from her, from her mother telling her she never wanted her to admitting she tried many times to end her pregnancy by taking medications and such.
We got her counseling has she grew up and were has open with her as we could. She always sought attention in odd ways though, from claiming to hearing voices (after months of seeing professionals she admitted it wasnt true), or showing pictures of her cousins claiming its her baby. Along with many others but you get the picture ... she wanted attention!
Well in 2009 she graduated high school. She was a great student usually made honor roll. Her senior year she did everything to avoid planning for college, from missing her SATs twice to lying about applying to colleges. So the next year she did not go. My husband and I told her she could live with us as long as she got a job and we told her she had to pay us $50 a week, and to apply at colleges and get in for the following year.
Those rules were to much for her and by March she and I were fighting a lot. Eventually I told her she had to move. My husband took her to her mothers.
This was hard for me because she and I were best friends since the day we meet. She shared many things with me and I tried hard to be a parent and just be a girl friend (my husband is 10 years older then I and she is 10 years younger then I so we found this great and we had alot in common)
After she left she just got very mean, she wrote me nasty emails, even started to threaten me to beat me up and even kill me :(
I still to this day dont understand how I deserve such threats all I wanted from her is to go to college and make something of herself!
Anyway here we are today 1 year later and she is now a mom. She had a baby a week ago. Shortly after she left my home she started having sex with guys and of course got pregnant. No of course the father did not stick around.
She still hates me. I am having a hard time getting past this and moving on. She welcomes my husband to things such as the babys birth but she told everyone even nurses to not let me in. I am just crushed. I find myself resenting my husband too even though he is really doing anything.
I just dont know what I should do or shouldnt do :( I havent tried to talk to her nor will I, at this point she can make the first steps but she wont.
Is this normal that I am resenting even my husband now? I mean I sort of feel he should stick up for me more ... but what more can he do, he told her how sad it is that she is so hateful towards me, but she is his child he cant cut her out totally I guess ....
I have talked to a counselor after she left cause I was so depressed, and I was doing ok but I wasnt thinking that she would be having a baby already and excluding me out of things I sort of feel I have a right to be part of
Sorry this was so long, this has just cause a lot of grief for me and so much trouble in my marriage I just dont know what I should feel or if I am just being selfish myself
Asked by Anonymous at 9:05 PM on Apr. 23, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)
Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 PM on Apr. 23, 2011
Answer by Anonymous at 10:21 PM on Apr. 23, 2011
Answer by 7blessings at 11:05 PM on Apr. 23, 2011
Answer by 7blessings at 11:06 PM on Apr. 23, 2011
Answer by sherribeare at 2:03 AM on Apr. 24, 2011
Answer by Sparklecoon at 2:14 AM on Apr. 24, 2011
Anon-from what I gather from the OP's question she has gone above and beyond with raising this kid. Asking her to apply and get into college isn't that much-and if she's livng in someone else's house, guess what?? SHE HAS TO FOLLOW THE RULES OR GET THE HELL OUT!! As far as evicting...well I dont give a rats ass what a judge says, if I want someone out of my damn house, they better hope their shit doesn't break when I toss it down the stairs before I change the locks! If all the daughter wants to do is mooch, make nothing out of herself and expect everyone to coddle her...I'm (not) sorry but doesn't look like that's gonna happen Anon. You and the stepbrat can take your anger and shove it where the sun don't shine!
Answer by purplerobin at 2:02 PM on Apr. 24, 2011
Answer by lilangilyn at 3:46 PM on Apr. 25, 2011
Answer by mom2mybabes at 2:19 PM on Apr. 26, 2011