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A father's occasional love

My 5 yr old daughter grew up knowing her father. But once I was 4 mo pregnant with my 2nd daughter I couldn't stand being with the dead beat anymore. So we broke up. Since then, he comes around about every 6 or 7 mo (this has been going on for over 3 yrs now) and my oldest falls madly in love with her father over and over again. She occasionally asks when she will see him again and I just tell her I don't know or I let her know that she has a great dad in my bf. (We've been together for almost 2 yrs now) Anyway.. Easter is coming up and its usually this day that he sees them again and I seriously have to mentally prepare myself for the heart break that he causes my girls.

Does anyone have any suggestions to possibly make this less painful?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:06 PM on Apr. 23, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (6)
  • Wow, that would be hard! Have you ever asked him why he stays away so long and explain the effect it has on her? Thats really sad and very selfish on his part.

    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 9:19 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • see if you can set up a time with him so he can see the girls more often.. maybe it won't be so hard on her then?
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 9:41 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • See the thing is.. that in the beginning I would always try to set things up and get him to see the girls. But that just ended up being harder on them and stressful on myself. So now I just wait to hear from him and if he wants to see them then I wait to tell the girls about it until we are at his house so I don't set them up for disappointment of broken promises.

    The really pathetic thing is.. My phone number has been the same for years and his changes all the time. But the worst part of it is that he lives about 15 min away from my house and knows exactly where I live.

    I always try to tell him to not tell the girls any plans that he wants to make with them because he NEVER keeps them. He sees what it does to her because when one of us has to leave, she starts crying.

    The only thing that really keeps me structured is my youngest daughter. She never grew up knowing her father so she doesn't get so hurt by him.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:48 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • You need to tell him that seeing her every 6-7 months is not showing her how much he cares for her. It's more like a tease. It's not fair to her. I would tell him he needs to make a decision whether or not he wants to be a part of her life, once and for all. If so, he needs to do it on a regular basis. If not, he is really not being fair to her or you because she wants to know why he doesn't visit anymore than he does. At least you have your husband to be a father figure in her life if her birth father doesn't want to be there for her.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:11 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • I know just how you feel. We stay with my mother at least 2 days a week and this spring we are sometimes here a week or more. (because of commitments and the fact that we live out of state with gas prices) heres the kicker. My oldest son's dad lives RIGHT NEXT DOOR!!! In a townhouse subdivision. he still doesnt see my ds but once every few weeks and it isnt from lack of trying. And it is really hard on my baby because he sees his dad coming and going and doing things and isnt involved. GL MOMMA and if you figure out how to help your babies please let me know because I could use the same advice.
    alligurl186

    Answer by alligurl186 at 11:45 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I know exactly what you are saying. This was my childhood with both parents. As she gets older she will feel like its her fault. What I would do tell her he cant see her unless he is consistant.
    auggirl11

    Answer by auggirl11 at 12:00 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

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