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Does anyone have a child in their 30's who acts like they are 20-something?

Our daughter has been married to this "person" who is a total looser. He has stolen money from our daughter's bill money, cheated on her several times, doesn't work, can't hold a job when he does work, has nothing in his name, has a criminal record, and is now in AA. He stole our daughters car the nite before T-day to stay at another woman's house, got drunk, called our daughter and told her it was over. We went to the house on T-day morn. to retrieve the car and ended up calling the police. Within 2 days, he is back in her house. We don't understand, and are afraid for our grandson, as well as our daughter. We need to understand, can anyone help me sort through this because we are financially and emotionally tapped out helping her and supporting this slug of a son-in-law.We don't know what to do - tough love has not worked in the past.

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Asked by Kayd01 at 8:30 AM on Dec. 3, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (4)
  • If you think the child is in danger, you could report the situation to Child Protection Services and then try to get the child into your home. I don't know of anything that you can do for your daughter. She sounds like a woman who thinks any man is better than having no man. Talking never seems to get through to them. If you can get the child out, I would stop giving her any kind of aid. She will probably have to hit rock bottom before she sees the truth. The choices she is making are hurting the child, and that is a tragedy.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:40 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • If youre concerned for your grandchilds safety I would bring that to your dds attn and tell her you want the baby to come live with you until they are stable and he stops behaving in a manner in which he may harm the child. Tell her cps can come any time and take the baby the way things are, it doesnt take much to alert them, then the child ends up with y ou anyway or in foster care. I would also try touch love. I was with a loser in my 20s and he sounds alot like the one youre dealing with. No matter what my parents said or did I stayed. They stopped helping me, even letting me be homeless with him (they let the kids stay with them) and a light bulb came on and I left him.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:05 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • You can't help your daughter if she won't help herself. She is enabling him and you are enabling her. I suggest that you contact AlAnon and get some advise from people who understand your problem..

    Answer by companygoddess at 10:27 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • I would suggest counseling for your daughter to find out why she accepts a man treating her in such a manner. I use to put up with a lot of BS off of men & take them back. I found out I was extremely co-dependent. Most men like this that have an enabling partner such as your daughter is to him are abusive. Look into the resources available at a women's crisis center for domestic violence. Give her the information. It is up to her then to make choices & decisions. You can't do the work or changing for her. Like someone else said don't enable her to stay with him. It isn't emotionally healthy for her or any kids involved. Here is a link to get started finding information.


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:08 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

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