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Would you stay with a habitual liar?

My hubby is a habitual liar. He lies about everything, no matter how minor it is. He will tell me to tell his mom a lie if she was to ask about something and he will tell his mom to lie to me about stuff too. I don't believe anything he says. He has been off his meds for his bipolar and he will sit in group and judge everyone who isn't consistantly taking their meds, all the while he isn't taking his...at all...and hasn't for at least 5 months. I honestly feel like our relationship is over. Even if he does tell the truth about something, I don't believe him. How can someone have a relationship without trust? He gets mad at me for not letting him take our dd by himself, well the last time he was off his meds, he literally went crazy and loaded a gun in our presence, threatening to kill himself. Before he was diagnosed, he threatened to kill me. The only reason I have stayed is because I know if we get divorced he would get unsupervised visits. We filed for divorce and with a restraining order in place, protecting both me and my dd, the judge gave him unsupervised visits, so I told my hubby I wanted to work things out.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:30 AM on Apr. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • No. I hate liars.

    Maybe talk to a lawyer (or a different one if you have one already) and see if there's anything that can be done about Dh needing to have supervised visits.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • Nope. The ONLY thing I require out of my husband (besides love of course) is honesty. If he's not able to be open and honest with me, we have nothing to base ANY kind of relationship on!
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:33 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • No I wouldn't stay, it's why I left the guy I was with before my DH. Try talking to family services; explain to them that you fear for your daughters safety, is any of his extreme behavior documented? You could try talking to a abuse counselor, they often have advocates that will help present the case to the judge and fight to get supervised visits.
    anon1986East

    Answer by anon1986East at 12:36 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • yes, when CPS was involved before (when I had to get the restaining order) they documented everything, they have the 911 call and police records. I tried everything to get supervised visits even my lawyer did. But the judge had none of that. Plus, they wanted to let my dd who has SEVERE asthma and allergies go to his moms house (where DH lived at the time) who is a chain smoker and an animal hoarder (she has 6 dogs, 6 cats and 4 birds). She has been hospitalized so many times from her asthma and pneumonia that all the nurses and drs know her by name.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:42 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • What kind of judge is this that wouldn't take all of those things into consideration? SMH. I wish you tons of luck!
    GomezMami2908

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 12:48 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • I'll be damned if some judge is going to force me to allow unsupervised visits. I agree that you need to continue the issue with more case workers to protect your child. Always listen to that mommy gut feeling. Could it be possible to write to the judge and even beg him to reconsider? Would supervised visits be such a difficult thing for the judge to do?
    Your guy sort of sounds like my ex but he was not dx with anything. Looking back I think he should've been evaluated. He is a dead beat dad and out of our lives now. But I was left to pick up the pieces from the lies he spread among friends and family for many years.
    saltycoqui

    Answer by saltycoqui at 12:53 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • you cant have a relationship without trust and once you lose it its super hard to gain it back!!!! I personally couldnt be with some one like that!!!
    Alyson_Torres09

    Answer by Alyson_Torres09 at 12:57 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • oh, he is a deadbeat. He never once sent any kind of money or diapers to help support her. If I ask him to bring home diapers from work (he works at a grocery store) he will tell me to give him the money for them. If I don't have the money for them, he will make his mommy buy them.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:58 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • No, I would not stay with a habitual liar. I don't understand how he would even get unsupervised visits. He's not even taking his med...that's unhealthy and unsafe...not just for him but for you and your dd. Talk to a lawyer. Good Luck to you.
    virgo550

    Answer by virgo550 at 6:16 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • Unfortunately, telling lies the way you describe can be a symptom of bipolar. Have you done anything to educate yourself about this disease? Sounds like most of the problems you are having stem from your DH's disorder. If you learn more about his disorder, perhaps you will start to understand it more. He has a mental disorder. It affects how he thinks and acts, particularly if he isn't stabilized. Either accept his disorder and the problems that come with it or get a divorce. It's not so simple as he is a deadbeat. Since you have a child together, this man will be in your life forever. Sounds more like you are using the unsupervised visits as a way to avoid making the choice to end the relationship. Judges decisions can be appealed. A court order for visitation does not revoke a restraining disorder.

    momofkids

    Answer by momofkids at 7:00 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

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