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I am really unsure about this...

I have a 16 yo dd and her bf is 18. His mom called me up on Monday and started by asking what my dd plans for college are. I told his mom that she is looking at many options but is most likely going to go to school out of state. She proceeds to tell me that her son is really in love with my dd and that he is in this relationship for the long haul. I don't know what to think of this. He and his family are great people and his mom is a sweetheart but she is very old school. She actually had her son ask for my dh and I permission to date our dd. This reminds me of how the people overseas on Crete were with their relationships. We were stationed over there while in the military. His mother then proceeded to tell me that she wanted to get together with me to discuss our childrens plans and possible future life together.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:48 AM on Dec. 3, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (9)
  • You know I would welcome it. If they dont end up together forever atleast you will know whatever his intentions are. My dds bf never asked to date her and shes been with him since she was 15, shes now 19. Younever how how things might turn out and like I said even if they dont work out having an open relationship with his mom will keep any lies or manipulation they might have planned from happening.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:02 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • thats really weird how long have they been datign?!?! your daughter is only 16 she doesn't need to be tieid down yet... TELL HER TO RUN THE OTHER WAY LOL but seriously... she has two years before she graduates... alot can happen in two years... and she should ever give up dreams for a guy if its meant to be he'll be here when she is done with college
    krazyash023

    Answer by krazyash023 at 9:03 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • I think it's nice that his parents are concerned and I would talk to them, but make it clear that your culture and preference is not to make those kinds of plans at her young age. Let's be honest, for every teenage romance that turns into life-long marriage, there are probably 20 that fail quickly. I'm sure you are not going to encourage your dd to change her college plans just to accomodate her boyfriend's wishes. I think I would tell bf's mother that your dd needs to be 18 before considering the long-term, if not later.
    JustAMom2008

    Answer by JustAMom2008 at 9:14 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • you should be happy
    hmp1

    Answer by hmp1 at 9:15 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • That is kind of weird, I would meet with his parents for dinner and then talk about the differences you have in expectations for your children and the seriousness of this relationship. I wouldn't make any assumptions either way it could last or they might grow apart. I would also talk to your dd about making her own choices about the future and not just doing what her bf wants her to do.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 9:28 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • personally i don't think a 16 yr old should have any serous relationships. i think that a 16 yr old should be having group dates and not be dating one person. she should be learning to develop friendship with the opposite sex but staying clear of dating one person. that way she can find out what kind of man she really wants and one that will compliment her in every aspect of her life. does this boy share the same belief system as your family, is he of the same faith? is that important. frankly these are questions i asked for myself but i was not a teen. i don't think this is a good idea cause it sounds like your settling her with the first available boy and she has a lot of learning and growing up to do. like going to college and not having to be tied down to a boy. she shouldn't be making plans to be with anyone until she has reached her goals and has had personal growth.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 2:40 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • at 16 she is just being a teen and should only make the decision to date exclusively when she is an adult but mature enough to handle both a bf and her goals. i don't think she is mature enough and shouldn't be led to the alter before she turns 18. the boy has to test his love for her and be patient and want her to grow in herself first. this sends red flashing lights to me. don't tie her down with the first boy that fancies her. she may not be sure what she wants and as a child this would be a hard thing to view clearly and understand. you still need to parent her and know if she is mature enough to really think and know is this the boy she will want. she may now think so but tying the knot per say right now is not cool. i would break them up if it were me. i guess i'm just old fashion but not like this boys mother.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 2:40 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • Well that's nice and all....................... but it's really none of her business what your 16 year old daughter wants to do with her life.

    I'm sure her son is really infatuated with your daughter right now... but you may want to ask your daughter (just between the two of you) how serious she is about this guy. Don't let her throw away any of her dreams or goals for the future on puppy love.
    kimberleee382

    Answer by kimberleee382 at 3:27 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • I would be respectful of their opinions, they seem to be nice people but I think you should sit down with them and explain to them that the most important thing for you daughter right now is to get an education.....after that's taken care of then they can worry about their future's together. Ultimately, this is really up to your daughter and her boyfriend so find out what THEY want then go from there. (I'm not saying in anyway to just let your daughter drop out of school and marry this boy lol)
    MrsHart6

    Answer by MrsHart6 at 2:53 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

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