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Any tactics I have not tried for my daughter? I really need help.

Hi all. I have an 18 month old daughter. She is active, happy and sometimes, a joy to be around. Most of the time, she throws fits, she gets angry, starts crying and yelling when she doesn't have her way. When she wants something done and we say no, she starts throwing things, banging things, screaming, yelling, crying. No matter what I do to comfort her, in a good way or an angry way does NOT stop her. She is done with her fit when she is done. After the fit is over, she is like before. Normal. This has been going on for months, I have tried everything I knew. I have read books about it, I have done every suggestion, nothing works. I am in another country with my husband and I have no help except from him, it's just the two of us. It's been months and months of this without a break. I know it's horrible but when my daughter gets like this several times a day, I feel like hating her and wishing she wasn't around. Which I know is not true....I love her but I get SO tired and exhausted and I cannot deal with it. I've not had a break for months and I mean that literally, I have not gone out of the house for anything else other than grocery shopping for the last 9 months we have been here. And what's happening with my daughter isn't helping either. I really need her to stop being like this because I can't take it, I feel I will snap at any time and I don't want to, I don't like yelling at my daughter and I've avoided it so far, even when I was up to here. What can I do to stop her fits? Any tactics that maybe I've not tried? Thanks a lot

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:25 AM on Apr. 24, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (15)
  • Have you tried putting her in her room during the tantrums? When you pay attention to them, they learn "oh if I behave this way I get attention." They don't care if it is negative or positve attention. I also hate to say it, but welcome to the terrible twos.
    sondamom0828

    Answer by sondamom0828 at 4:35 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • I used to put my daughter in the bed and tell her that if she was going to act like that, then she had to go to sleep. Which would make her cry louder at first. I'd let her cry it out for about 5 minutes then go back in there and ask her if she was done yet.
    TiffanieK

    Answer by TiffanieK at 4:40 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • sounds like she's having trouble adjusting to changes in life just as much as you are.. you should find a caycare program to put her in 2 or 3 days out of the week, give her some friends to socialize with and you some time to yourself..
    girlglow6

    Answer by girlglow6 at 4:50 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • Welcome to terrible twos. Some kids get their earlier. At that age, kids have a low frustration point. They don't know how to express their anger like an adult. How long have you been living over seas? If the move has been recent that might be the problem. At that age, kids don't do well with change. Do like sondaom said and, when she starts her tantrums, leave the room, but, when she is normal, try paying her as much attention as you can. With so much going on, she's probably feeling like she's not getting enough attention. Trying to comfort her just encourages the behavior. My little girl had a similar problem when she was about that age. We had been living with my great aunt and she had to go into a nursing home. My aunt kissed her goodnight everynight before she went to bed so she would throw tantrums before bed because she missed her. I started calling her every night so she could get her kiss over the phone.
    Razzle_Dazzle1

    Answer by Razzle_Dazzle1 at 4:55 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • Put her in her room and shut the door. Ignore it completely. Do not respond at all. She is doing it to try to manipulate you...I know "manipulate" sounds harsh for a baby...but that is exactly what it is...she is trying to use her behavior to get you to do what she wants. EVERY child goes through that, so it is not a reflection on your parenting...it is psychologically normal for them, and healthy, because it shows that they want to have some control over their environment and that is a part of growing up.

    If you put her in her room and close the door and do not give her even attention for her behavior, she will have to learn a new way to try to have some control, and it won't involve fits because you will have shown her that they don't work.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 8:34 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • She is doing this because you have somehow reinforced her behavior by giving her what she wants. Stick to your guns and don't give in, until she gets the message.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:38 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • i would pick her up (at arms length) put her in her room - walk out without a word. In a few minutes open the door and tell her if she is done she can come out - if not keep at it....consistency.

    Good luck - I know what it is like to be in a foreign country with a child, dh and NOONE else.
    brypmom

    Answer by brypmom at 10:12 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • The way you describe your daughter reminds me of a mother I saw grocery shopping with her little girl, many years ago. Her little one had been going at it for what must have been at least 10 minutes. I'd passed them a couple times and mom was trying to reason with her. For the third time I turned up an aisle mom and daughter were on and daughter was still going strong.

    Just as I turned on to the aisle mom threw herself to the floor kicking an screaming sans 2 yo temper tantrum. Her daughter set in the cart, shocked into silence. I ran into mom a couple months later and asked f the technique had worked. She had done it a couple more times and her dd's fit had stopped.

    Who knows it may work at home for your dd's.
    Jerichos_Mommy

    Answer by Jerichos_Mommy at 2:53 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • I would pick her up and put her in her crib or room and walk away. You are stresed out and she probably feels that. So to that scrape together the money to get a babysitter and go out, even if to the park with out your daughter. Also find a good friend who can listen to your wooes to help you destress.

    So back to your daughter. Time out for 1 min. Doesn't seem long to you but to her it is forever. I would do this when she is miss behaving. When she is having a temper tantrum put her in her crib or a playpen and let her have it. THis way she is removed from the situation, is in a safe place, and you are not in the middle of it. I recomend you then put on head phones for 5-10 min then go check on her. Eventually she will learn that temper tantrums do not get her what she wants. Expect it to get worse for a little. After she is done iwth her min in time out or calms down after her temper tantrum, talk with her.
    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 3:30 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • When you talk with her she is to little to understand what she is feeling. So help her by giving her the words. Talk to her about being mad or frustrated and what is an ok thing to do when feeling this way and how to ask for help. As time goes on she will start controlling herself more and more. GL
    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 3:34 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

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