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adult son living at home depressed

My son is 26, a college graduate with a degree in music. He is very talented but goes up and down with depression. He has a music job during the school year, but decided not to take the summer job he was offered. He is not on medication and won't go to the doctor, is quite in debt, and is just lounging around our house, doing little else but watching TV. He was out of the house for awhile and doing okay. I don't know what to do. We have always been very close but he tunes me out. My husband is treading lightly because he is afraid he will self-destruct. I am not concerned about that but about his lack of motivation which has been going on for a couple of months. (I posted this question on another website but can't find it.) Please advise.

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Pepper59

Asked by Pepper59 at 3:10 PM on Jul. 10, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (6)
  • well i am not sure but my step bro was like this at 24 and he was just depressed that he was getting "old" - he just needed time and i am not sure if it helped but everyone told him that he is only about a quarter into his life so he had nothing to worry about.
    hope this helps
    vakatia

    Answer by vakatia at 3:23 PM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • Set up some parameters for him. Tell him that if he's going to live at home he has to get a job, go to the Dr. or help out with chores. Otherwise he's going to lounge around doing nothing. Don't pay for any of his bills or expenses and don't let him use your cars or further enable his behavior. By not doing anything or expecting anything of him, you are letting him self-destruct into a lazy, irresponsible person. Even depressed people have to work and make their own way. Enabling him is not doing anyone any good. But be aware that unless you're willing to follow through with your requirements, (that he move out unless he contribute to the household or get some help) he'll see through your empty threats and continue to do nothing. Sit down with him and make a plan, let him know that you care about his life and that he should too. If he sees that you're invested in getting him off his butt he might get some motivation.
    danielp

    Answer by danielp at 3:34 PM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • Depression is a serious thing. I've suffered from it for years and refuse to take meds. This last bout was one of the nastiest ever. I'm a writer. He's a musician. Maybe it's a thing with creative people! I decided to try a supplement this time. That is how bad it got for me but my "want to" was broke, I was sitting around the apt all day every day and doing nothing...or sleeping. I couldn't write. I couldn't think. I couldn't focus nor did I wish to. I'm not a doctor but did research on some neurotransmitter supplements. I decided to try 5-HTP. If he is interested having him look it up and see if it's something he in interested in or even ask your doctor. Anyway, I took this for a few days and felt my old self again. I won't take anything long term so wont use it again unless I feel it's necessary but it really helped me get through a nasty episode.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:49 PM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • i think the best thing you can do is pray for him. there is power in the praying parent! he really needs to be on meds but you cant make him take or get them for that matter.
    hendrickson

    Answer by hendrickson at 6:27 PM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • you should call your community mental health and ask if they have the A.C.T. team who will come to your house and talk with him and work with him if he does have a problem you should also gently set ground rules hopfully it is just a thinking mode and not more serious
    becky2662

    Answer by becky2662 at 4:20 AM on Jul. 13, 2008

  • When you you take action? After visiting the funeral home, hospital or police station. Depression is the sign of needing help! Get him some, as a family supportive unit. Denial is the crime, here... Call your local APS and have an inhouse mental health evaluation. Tell him to get help, so that he can feel better and successful... Maybe he should volunteer at a children's school or club, teaching music, such as choir, then begin a band with donated music instruments... But, no action is the worse, drive him there, but do something!!!!
    mamajack824

    Answer by mamajack824 at 3:08 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

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