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3 Bumps

Easter Drama

My son is a trouble maker and an alcoholic. I love him to death but he is always getting into some trouble or another. We have done rehab, tough love and all of that, nothing seems to work. Right now he is living with my daughter and he got drunk last night, called home, and insisted on a ride home. My dd told him before when this happens he is to sleep it off. Her husband got the call when she was asleep and felt bad, so he went to get my son and sons friend. On the way home a deer ran out in front of them and totalled my dds car (her dh was driving hers). She called me this morning in tears letting me know she cant handle it anymore and he needs to go. He cant come here because as I said we have house rules and I told him either he gets a job or goes to college. He told me he was going to party and he is a grown man and theres nothing I can do about it. So off he went.

A few months ago he got into trouble with the law. I left him in jail (to teach him a lesson). My mil went and got him out. He is out on bond now and doing all this crazy stuff. I had it this morning and called my mil and told her what happened. She is going to get him to stay with her as the bond agreement stated. I know she will end up putting him back in jail since he wont listen. Was I wrong to tell her? I just cant handle this anymore. I know it is Easter and probably crappy I had to do this today, but my dd is in tears, he has no where to stay and I really cannot have him here with us.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:34 AM on Apr. 24, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • BTW - today of all days is the perfect day to finally agree within yourself to sacrifice your child for the sake of your child - because you love him, because you love your daughter, because you want a better future for your family, because you want to stop the insanity and get on the road to forgiveness and peace in your family; symbolically speaking, Today, the day we celebrate our Risen Savior is the perfect day to say "this stops now; from here forward we will seek peace, love and righteousness for our family and we are willing to to let go in order to receive our son back refreshed, renewed and redeemed."
    Saying prayers for you and your family.
    ShelbyShareAlot

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 2:21 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • He is a grown adult, your DD should just tell him to back his bags and go... There is only so much you can do for someone who doesn't want to help themselves. Sorry that your Easter is so stressful, but it sounds like it is time for your DS to man up and learn what real life is all about. If your MIL wants to help let her, my advice would be to wash your hands of the situation until he can prove that he is a responsible adult. Hopefully your DD insurance will fix her car. Good Luck to you.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 10:38 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • I don't have an answer just complete sympathy and empathy for you and your situation. I have one of those problem adult children as well. I know they are adults but that doesn't keep our hearts from breaking when we see them destroying their lives and getting into trouble. You don't 'let go' of your children, you let them suffer through the consequences of their actions but it still breaks our hearts. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 10:40 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • some times the best thing you can do for a person is let them fall on their face.......sorry is was such a crap easter morning i hope you have a better more joy filled day......
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 10:59 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • He has to go either he wants to grow up or he wants to live without now he is manipulating others trust me they will get the same lesson you got and your daughter it will take this to make them stop helping him. Help and tough love mean nothing when the person does not want to change. But you know all of this do not feel bad if he cannot do the right thing you did everything you could and it did not change so again it will be on him to make up his mind.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:59 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • pack his bags and go is what I meant.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 10:39 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • i really dont have advise either :( I am kind of dealing with a similar situation. Have you herd of alonon? they have programs to help us deal and help us help them
    I hope everything starts getting better for you

    you cant help him if he doesnt want help. i have learned that the hard way.
    LovinMyJay4

    Answer by LovinMyJay4 at 11:48 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • i would just let MIL do what she wants and handle it the way she wants to. When she is done with him and can't handle him anymore. leave him figure it out himself.

    you said that he stated he is an adult now and he will party his lil heart out if he wants. Well...if he's adult enough to do that, he's adult enough to figure things out himself. Once he sees no one wil take on his wild behavior, maybe he will get help and straighten up. He is just acting out right now because he's always got somebody to bounce on, once everybody's done, he will learn to figure it out himself.

    Don't say you didnt try to help him because you did.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 11:25 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • Shit no you didn't handle it wrong. *IF you know that MIL won't put up with his crap, will put his butt back in jail if he violates the agreement she has with him, etc - then let her do it. You and I have pretty much the same son and 2 years ago I was in your shoes. Fortunately for me (and for my son) he didn't have siblings that he could go live with and make miserable, I didn't have a MIL that would take him in or bail him out of jail, it all fell on me. I wouldn't bail him out of jail (never did and still never will), when I'd had all I could take I put him out and made it clear that my door would be open to visit any time but living with me again would require SUBSTANTIAL WORK on his part before it would EVER even be a plausible consideration for me again. Because I put his butt out and made him have no choice but to fend for himself, my son made a 180 turn and is FINALLY becoming a real man instead of drunk-punk. GL
    ShelbyShareAlot

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 2:15 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • Thanks. I just feel horrible because it is Easter and we all hope for a nice day on holidays. I love him, and have done all I could to help, I just can't help him over and over and get the same result, that is the definition of insanity. I called my dd and let her know theyd be on their way to get him and she said she was fine with that since he had to go.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:54 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

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