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15 yr old comes home with hicky

ok...I am a pretty open person and my kids and I discuss, well anything that comes to mind. So when my 15 yr old son came home with his first hicky, I really didnt say too much. Kind of tormented him alittle and let him know to tell his girlfriend that I didnt much appreciate it. So he did and she said she wouldnt do it again...So now when he wants to go to her house, Im alittle concerned about what they're doing...he tells me not to worry and that he is not ready to have sex, but it still makes me nervous! She is almost 16 and he just turned my question is, what would you do or how would you handle this with your teen??

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Asked by momto4lilangels at 10:37 AM on Apr. 24, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 6 (122 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • sit down and have a talk with him about being safe.. hickeys are the gateway "drug" to sex. It feels good and it's fun to mark each other as "he or she is mine"

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 10:39 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • Talk to her parents. What are the rules at her house? Are they allowed to hang out in her bedroom alone, if so I wouldn't let him go. Are they going to be in the family room where anyone can walk in, sure, no problem. I would also tell her parents that your son had a hickey so they are aware of the direction that the relationship is going. You are his parent and can say no if you are not comfortable with it.

    Answer by JamieLK at 10:41 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • I agree, have a talk about being safe, what sex means to women as opposed to what it means to men (women are much more likely to become very attached to their sexual partners because of a difference in the hormones released), the effectiveness of different birth control methods, what he needs to think about as far as STDs go and anything else you feel is important. If he wants to have sex he's going to find a way. Better to prepare him.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 10:44 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • yep, have done that, also! I do believe in making sure my kids are prepared, in case...I do not wanna be a grandma at 37, or for them to have some kind of incurable disease, so we definately discuss those things! And I didnt make a big deal out of it, becuz I remember what it was like. He actually admitted that it kind of a good way too, but he wasnt eager to have that was good!

    Comment by momto4lilangels (original poster) at 10:44 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • no they arent allowed in her bedroom...and yes anyone can walk in...or he wouldnt be over there! Im pretty sure she keeps a good eye on them, but she will be in the kitchen and they are in the living room, apparently making good use of their alone time...LOL

    Comment by momto4lilangels (original poster) at 10:46 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • Simply be as open and honest with him as you want him to be with you. Explain to him that even if he says not to worry, that you're going to - cause you're a parent and that's what parents do. Make sure he knows all the consequences AND benefits to sex. And many sure he understands things like stat rape laws (if he's under 16, she can go to prison for having sex with him, even if you don't press charges). And make sure he understands the risks of STIs and STDs as well as things like crabs, and that he knows IF something were to happen, that he can come to you. I would also buy him some condoms. If he isn't having sex, he won't need them. But should they choose to do so, you don't want them to be without, so make sure ahead of time that they are provided.

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:46 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • Sounds like you and your son communicate, that is great. He told you they are ready to have sex, just tell your son you are proud of him for knowing his not ready.

    Answer by gammie at 10:48 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • After reading the other answers I want to add something - Regardless of whether or not they are allowed in her room alone or even whether or not he's allowed in her house, if they want to have sex they are going to find a way. When I was that age I had sex in the back of the Biology lab, in the auditorium and a few other places in my HS. I was NEVER allowed to have friends over or go to friends homes, put I always found a way for sex... Because that's what I wanted to do.

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:50 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • I would suggest all those things but I'm going to strait up freak out when any of my kids come home with hickies they're gonna be so scared of me afterwards they aren't gonna let their future spouses leave a hickie lol not really but it makes me feel better to think that lol

    Answer by msh88 at 10:52 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • I totally agree with Sabria, if kids want to do it they WILL. which is why i suggested having the safe talk. You can yack their ears off about "don't do it" and other warnings but remember to give BOTH talks. "I'd rather you didn't and if you already are I want you to be safe so you don't regret it the rest of your lives"

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 10:52 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

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