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How can I help my children get over their anger at me for leaving their dad and moving away ?

About a year ago, I left a marriage of 28 years. The relationship had been strained for about 6 years, but I stayed until my youngest graduated from high school. My children are 22 and 19. To put everything on the table, I need to say that I had an affair with a man from my past. It was not the reason for me leaving however. My husband left me emotionally a long time ago. I am not condoning what I did and I should have left first. I cant redo that decision now. I moved from my home state to another state 1000 miles away. I am now the bad guy in the relationship with my kids. My daughter and I talk numerous times daily, however, my son and I talk on a limited basis. They have flat told me that they will not come and visit me and will not see me if my boyfriend is present even if I come there. I am happy for the first time in a long time. I do understand their feelings, but I want them to accept my decision, even if they are having a hard time accepting my boyfriend. I love them unconditionally and would never stay away from them because of their choices. I want the same consideration. Is that too much to ask? I am constantly reminded that I left them. It breaks my heart being away from them, but as they continue to age, they will form their own lives and leave too. I see them as often as I can and want them to come and visit me too. What can I do?

Answer Question
 
teacherspet_too

Asked by teacherspet_too at 1:24 PM on Apr. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (-117 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I think it will just take time. Just keep doing what you've always done with them and eventually they will be glad you've found happiness in your life. Right now they are hurting on several levels and like you said see you as the bad guy. Their feelings and opinions will change as they mature and become adults and experience life as such.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 1:30 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • give them time to get used to it.. it may take a few years but make sure to support them and know what is going on in your life as well as theirs.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:30 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • My son still hates me for leaving his dad and it was 30 yrs ago! It's possible they feel like you abandoned them for leaving but they are not little children. They will learn to cope. If not (like my son) then wish them well and feel confident you did your best to be a great mom to them
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:59 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • family counseling?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:35 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • oh well. mines was to until I showed them the bruises that I hid from them and told them about the bad controlling arguments I succumbed to for 5 years
    AMMA554

    Answer by AMMA554 at 6:14 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

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