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Should my ex see my daughter (hes not her biological dad) I NEED AS MUCH ADVICE AS POSSIBLE!

Me and my ex were together for a year 1/2...we were engaged but the last three months of the relationship i really got to where i couldnt stand to come home, i hated to kiss him touch him, hug him, even sleep in the same bed as him. I felt no urge to even want to take the time to go out of my way to kiss him bye in the morning. I tried to go out with my family and friends because I thought that maybe i was stuck in a rut and was just depressed or something. I really was trying to work it out....I ended it though after i found out he was smoking pot...i gave him one chance to prove to me that he would stop and i told him if he didnt i was leaving because nobody is worth risking getting my daughter taken away from me. He said that he stopped but came home smelling like it so i went through his phone and found text messages saying that he had picked some up and had smoked, so i ended it. Its been 5 months since then and he constantly texts me or my mom asking how my daughter is and when he can see her and i told him to stop texting my mom because she isnt his family and he has no right to text her to find out my business...(he had texted my mom before asking who was watching my daughter one night because i told him it was none of his business and he didnt have a right to know) my daughter is 4 years old and he tells me that i should let my daughter decide if she wants to see him or not and i told him that hes irresponsible, shes not old enough to decide whats best for her and hes not going to see her because he cant grow up and hes not her dad. he told me that hes not going to quit talking to my mom and hell never give up trying to see my daughter....im getting very angry and im really starting to regret even dating him....im currently dating someone else and i feel that on top of his irresponsibility, letting her continue to see him will only confuse her in the long run, especially if my bf and me work out....plus i feel like it will cause problems with me and my bf or future relationships because he isnt her dad and me n him were never married so he isnt even her stepfather....i feel like ive tried everything in the book and he wont quit....what do i say to him and what are your thoughts on the situation?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:12 PM on Apr. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I say good husband material or not if he loves her that much and she was close to him she should be allowed to see him ever so often if she loves him its not fair to her that u take him away after a year and a half because you didnt work out im sure he acted like her father during that time and u allowed it then so why not now. If his pot use is a concern tell him he must be clean and sober and u could drop her off at a park or see him with her etc too make you more comfortable, ultimately she is your child and its up to you this is just my opinion.
    rhonda111787

    Answer by rhonda111787 at 10:18 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • I think you've said enough, tell him you don't want any contact, and if he continues to contact you, call the police. Done. He has no rights to her, that's creepy. Plus you know he's a liar.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 10:19 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • yeah BUT i think that a lot of him wanting to see her also has to deal with him using that as a "pull" on me...still thinking he has a right in my business an my fam...it may not be fair to my daughter, but life isnt fair, and he was very VERY hard on her...plus, since i left he is an everyday all day smoker....he himself even told me that to feel "sober" he has to be high and he cant get anything done being sober....im sorry, but i feel like i would be a bad mother if i honestly let this SOB watch my kid after all hes put me through, i just want him out of my life, im tired of him lying, hes spreading rumors about me....
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:31 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • At 4 years old no. If you had said she was 8 or 9 maybe let her make the call but no at 4 years old I would not let him see her especially giventhe drug history. Even at an older age he would have to have supervised visits where you knew he was not exposing the child to it.

    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 10:32 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • He is nothing to her and has no obligation to be in her life. He was only around for a year and 1/2 and he is not her bio dad so that should answer your question.
    KayGia0704

    Answer by KayGia0704 at 10:50 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • Dating, even being engaged, doesn't confer any rights. Let him know you want no contact and let your mutual acquaintances know as well. Then DON'T communicate with him further and move on. A good trick to get the message across is have a male friend do your answering machine message.
    MyMyOhMy

    Answer by MyMyOhMy at 11:34 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • my thought is this he has no rights on her u said it your self he smokes pot what is to say if he has her and get caught and like u said u have some one new in your life so i would not risk it i would just keep pushing the issue that u r in a relationship and he should respect your wishis and leave u an your daughter alone an if that doesnt work tell your man to put him in his place its all i can suggest
    luv69

    Answer by luv69 at 12:01 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • If its that bad and he wasn't good for your daughter etc, do as another poster commented, tell him straight out DO NOT CONTACT ME OR MY FAMILY AGAIN and if he doesn't comply, get a restraining order. Sometimes you just have to be down right mean.
    rhonda111787

    Answer by rhonda111787 at 12:34 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

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