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Am i being taken advantage of ?

My husband says I am ...

we have a "family friend" ( her mom grew up with my mom and aunts , her and I grew up together even though we havent remained close).... She has a little boy who is almost 2 , and she always complains about how he wont listen, and that is just always bad, i think it has to do with her not spending time with him , and not watching him ( like today at the easter gettogether she wasnt watching him when he had a mouth full of jelly beans- to where he couldnt even close his mouth, and when he was "fishing" at my grandmas 5 ft deep coy pond) .....

Anyways, I babysit him, when she goes to work ( and most of her days off ) , this week i was only suppose to have him tuesday and wednesday but now she wants me to watch him tomorrow so she can do "housework" ( which from experiance means take a long nap) , I told her I would watch him from 9:30 to 1 and asked her if that was enough time for her ( seeing if she would catch on to my annoyance) and she said "we will see, I will text you if not" ... i take that as a "screw what you want to do I need my afternoon nap!"

Ok so my husband thinks she is taking advantage of my "niceness" because of the things she says like that, and that when i do watch him she is usually HOURS late..... I think it is more her attitude and that she just thinks she is entitled.... and not forgetting the fact that I get paid pretty good, and that I love the little boy and he actually acts very well for me ( not to mention i also have a 2 year old son and they play well together) ...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:26 PM on Apr. 24, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (10)
  • If she's paying and it's not hampering my plans then I wouldn't think so

    Answer by lstrickland at 10:30 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • I manage to clean my house with 4 kids running around. She is taking advantage of you. Stop watching her kid. If you don't put a stop to it now it will only get worse. Come up with excuses if you have too. GL

    Answer by firepony at 10:31 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • It sounds a little more like she doesn't respect boundaries than she is taking advantage. If she pays well, but doesn't pick him up on time, or accept the hours that you offer to care for him on an off day...she is pushing the limits in my opinion. She would be taking advantage of you, if she was expecting you to bend over backwards for no pay or reimbursement.

    Therefore, you need to either write up a short contract for her to sign, or sit down and make it clear that you can only watch her son on set hours and she can not be late picking him up.

    Men like to fix the problem. They don't understand venting. Your husband wants to fix it and move on, so his advice is to get her off your back entirely. I think in part he is right, you do need to confront her and redefine your boundaries. However, I do not think you are entirely being taken advantage of here.

    Answer by spottedpony at 11:47 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • IF she pays for the OT and you need the money, who cares?

    Answer by MyMyOhMy at 1:03 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • she is taking advantage of you but if you want to do it and get paid good for it then talk to her about her atitude but still do it

    Answer by flipper4u21 at 7:35 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I do think she is taking advantage of you but I also think U Should step up and say you know what this Is supposed to be mine and my kids day(meaning the day she wants u to watch Her LO to nap) and I just cant do it. If she gets ill with you becuase of this then yes hunni she is deff using you.
    Does she pay u more if u keep him for hours more?? If not tell her u are going to start charging her for this as well. DOes she pay for the food or drink you keep her chid up with if not ask for that as well. Her attitude through all of this..will show u what she is realy doing. I wish u good luck mama....This happens all the time when i see my sister

    Answer by msmamakatie at 10:41 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Yes she is in the wrong and not being a responsible parent (or adult for that matter), but you are making some good money off of it, your son has a playmate to enjoy and you are hellping to create a better and more loving environment for this other little boy that he doesn't otherwise have at home. So while she's still in the wrong, I wouldn't you are at a disadvantage here. In fact you are more of a guardian to this other child and doing far more than could be expected. I know it's frustrating watching her act the way she does, but in the end you benefit more from the kindness you offer her son when he gets none at home.
    Obviously he isn't your son and you don't have to be responsible for him and it's still completely up to you how to handle it. But know regardless that you will always have a special place in this boys heart for being a part of his life in the best way you could in his situation.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:58 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • The bottom line is, are you unhappy with the situation & feel like this friend is taking advantage of your good nature? If the answer is yes, then you need to take steps to correct things so that you are happy with the situation again. If the issue is not picking her child up on time, then what changes would make you happy? Would charging more for every 10 minutes she's late help or would you prefer she come get him on time no matter what? If the issue is her asking for more time at the last minute, then think about what you want to do about that. Do you want more money for last minute schedule changes (cancelling at the last minute, too)? You are providing a service for monetary compensation & you need to figure out what your time is worth to you, then write up a contract and enforce what you decide. If you're wishy-washy about it, or give in "just this once", you set a precedent. This is a business, treat it as such.

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 12:27 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I think she is lazy for not watching her own child but if she is paying you well, I would just laugh at how her stupidity and laziness is putting money in your pocket. Just make sure she is paying you for EVERY hour he is there.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 2:46 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • She is using you, She is selfish. She might not even realize how badly...My question is who is the child better off with and can you tolerate her nonsense for his sake?

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 4:41 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

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