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2 Bumps

Porn

what if you find out your loved one has been hideing porn from you for a long time and the only reason you find out is by accident.....you ask him to stop and he refuses....my biggest wonder is...what if he sees a sexy girl and is willing to do things with him in person one day and he has the time and place? most people think...well, porn is not in person, but i cant help but wonder what if their was a girl he sees one day wanting to do things with him with a hot sexy body? and also, this makes me feel like he is dissrespecting me 100 percent and it makes me feel like im not good enough. what do you think? should i let this go and try to get over it or move on with my relationship? i dont think i could ever get over this.

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LauraAnn22

Asked by LauraAnn22 at 11:52 PM on Apr. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 4 (37 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I have been with my So for 16 yrs I used to feel the same way you do, but not anymore. A magazine or movie is alot different from the real thing. Mb if you try to watch it with him you could add some steam to your love life to embrace the things he likes, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Dont make himfeel like a pervert cause you willonly alienate him.
    RedDahlia82

    Answer by RedDahlia82 at 11:59 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • Wow I'd be pretty upset. iI guess it depends the severity of it & if he will stop. Some people are totally ok with it & some are not. You really need to talk to him more I think, dig deeper. GL to ya.
    sarasmommy777

    Answer by sarasmommy777 at 12:01 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Hell no. By hiding porn, he feels he is doing something wrong. Honestly, if my man did that I would give him an ultimatum. My man told me I could smoke or have him so I quit and I'm all the better for it. Hiding stuff is wrong, you can't ignore or feel good about what he's doing.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 12:02 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I've been married 21 years and my DH likes to look at porn. I don't care. I don't particularly like it, but I'm not threatened by it in any way. If it helps get him turned on, then, you know, whatever works for him. Sometimes we've watched dirty movies together, and it's fun. I agree you should not worry about it and don't make him feel guilty or perverted. It's quite normal. (Men are animals, LOL)
    judimary

    Answer by judimary at 12:02 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • my biggest wonder is...what if he sees a sexy girl and is willing to do things with him in person one day and he has the time and place?

    Then those are YOUR insecurities. If your man wants to cheat with a hot girl he sees he's going to do so whether or not he looks at porn...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:03 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Try spicing it up in the bedroom. I honestly don't think porn is bad as long as it's used right. Maybe watch some porn together. If he really loves you he won't cheat. Try some lingerie or something. Men are visual creatures and watching porn in no way means he will cheat
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 12:05 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • If he's hiding it, he feels guilt. If he's willing to continue doing something he feels guilty about, he's willing to hang on to it. I used to struggle with it with my ex DH. At first I asked him to stop, then I found it, then I found it again, then I tried to not care about it justifying it as my own insecurity and how other women can look past it so then I should to, and finally I became his parole officer. Checking the house, his emails, etc. Some men develop "addictions" to it. I hate using the word because I feel it sounds like an excuse but in a strong sense they have formed a bond with the women in pornos and developed a warped sense of intimacy. I've met men who can't ejaculate during sex but can easily with their hand and porno. They can't have real intimate relationships with real women. There's the women all over the videos, magazines and billboards that full fill their need for intimacy and then there's the wife.
    SwePea

    Answer by SwePea at 12:10 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • First of all, bless your heart. There are lots of things to consider when making the decision to either "get over it," or to move on. Is the pornography affecting your relationship? By that I mean, is he devoting more time to porn than he is real life? Is he spending excessive amounts of money on books/magazines/movies? I have been down the road you are walking. I never wondered whether or not my now ex-husband would cheat on me. He became so engrossed in unbelievable filth on the internet, that I would be laying in bed waiting for him, and he would not/could not turn that trash off to come to bed. I came to the point where I could not tolerate being touched by him. I have no idea how much money he spent on porn. Books, movies, tapes. It was everywhere. Under the mattress, in the closet. Honestly, it makes my queasy just thinking back on it. I do have one helpful suggestion: counseling. Make him go.
    swizzleday

    Answer by swizzleday at 12:14 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Continued.... They're separate and always will be. Not all men but many men are like this. And although you may take the route to stand by him and help him with this, you need to take care of you first so that you'll know for a fact whether you stay with him because you love him or because you feel you have to stay with him (codependency). There's a few good groups on CM of women who struggle with their SO/DH using porn and you could find comfort with them.
    SwePea

    Answer by SwePea at 12:14 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

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