Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Men and the "type" of women they look at!!!!!!!! WTFFFFFF!! Huge vent!!

Ok so just a vent and I am trying to not let my self esteem get any lower than it is. Why is it that men look at women(and think they are hot, etc) when they look NOTHING like their woman does? I won't say I am a slouch in the looks department. For my age I think I look pretty good. When I met my SO and to this day he does give me compliments and tell me I am hot. A little background, my SO likes looking at naked women (what man doesn't) whether it be in magazines, or online, television, or porn. I am pretty smart when it comes to the computer and I can see the sites etc that he's been viewing. I guess my concern is, he "claims" he's always finding something in all sorts of women that is attractive to him. I can say from seeing his last gf and ex wife that that is sort of true. His last gf was a pretty girl but she was very very heavy, and his ex wife was not a stunner but had a decent body at the time. He claims I am by far the best looking woman he has ever been with. So on that note, how come when I look into the kind of woman he's been looking at, they are all 36-24-36? Perfect bodies, etc etc etc? And I mean everytime!!!!! I cannot help but have this horrid feeling inside me, like I am not good enough. Yes he tells me I am, but if men like him are truely attracted to that "barbie" type, then why the hell are they with women like us? I don't get it. Also the comments that ae said, and I know it's not meant to hurt me, but just commenting on, "Oh shes hot etc" as we're walking etc.....then you look at that fem he was looking at and see that yet again, shes nothing like you. How do you maintain your self esteem when all you see is him oogling over these perfect women? I may seem petty but I cannot help it anymore. My SO is one of those men who is looking, esp online more than occasionally and I normally do not try to be upset about this, but when it seems to be getting more and more, and you see what he's looking at, I cannot help but feel like I am not good enough. Why do they do this? Why do they make it seem like that's what they like? And if so, why the hell are they not with that type? I know I am going on and on, but this is really starting to affect me, and yes I have tried talking to him about this, and he just says hes looking and that he loves me to no end and I am his woman. Its just hard to feel good about myself when I see he's attracted to that.

Then he sits and wonders why I am killing myself to diet and lose more weight? Gee, get a clue.......I just wish it seemed he was truely happy with what he has in me and had no need to keep peering at women constantly. Is that too much to ask?

Thanks for reading, I just had to get this off my chest. Feeling so low this morning after logging on and yet again seeing some random woman he had to take a peek at this morning before he left for work. My self esteem just is pityful right now and I feel aweful inside.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:17 AM on Apr. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Aw *hugs* That really stinks and he is being an ass. If his obsession with porn is so extreme he has to look at it before work, he has a real problem. He needs counseling, IMO. It may well be true that it has nothing to do with how he feels about you, but it seems to me it is an issue and it's making you hurt. My DH likes porn, but it's only now and then - maybe once a month or so, and it's very much on a level of fantasy. He's the one that told me you can't see beauty until you close your eyes.
    judimary

    Answer by judimary at 6:26 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Men are visual creatures and I know mine looks but never when I'm with him. Sometimes it feels like a no win situation. If you look that good then he's pissed because other men are checking you out but if you don't look that good then he's looking elsewhere. BS if you ask me!

    darter

    Answer by darter at 6:42 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I just for once in my life wanna feel like I am "the woman" to my man. Please know he does tell me I am hot and gives me compliments but as I said, I cannot help but not feel good enough when he's constantly looking at these "model" women. I am very sick to my stomach this morning and just can't get over this feeling.I hate feeling this way!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:49 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I would be upset. Be very clear with him on a day where nothing is going on. "Hey! I need to talk to you. I understand that you want to look. That's cool. I don't think it's appropriate that you look or say anything about other women while you and I are together. My feelings are hurt when you do. I am a woman after all. I don't think you would like it if I checked out other men's packages and said something like "Oohh! I bet he has a Long Dong Silver!" I would appreciate it if you could just not do that. " Maybe he would get it. Good luck. Communicating your feelings and not just anger is a good route I find for me and dh.
    Autumn07

    Answer by Autumn07 at 7:11 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Men love to look at naked and hot overly fit women. Most of these women not all, but most of these women dont have kids. I know you hear from alot of ppl just be happy with who u are. u are a mother but u are so much more. I know what u mean about the diet. i excercise and try to watch what i eat, but my man drinks and eats whatever he wants. sometimes, i'll be like damn, u could be doing what i do. I know he works but he could be trying to look good for me. My man never said i was fat,and im not, im curvy and thick but i think i look good. not perfect but good enough to have gotten him. Point is: do this for yourself. We are never gonna be a size 2. Men have it in their nature to gawk at hot women. but then they wanna get mad if we see the rock,or randy orton and say dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyummmmmmmmmm. these people who are this fit spend so little time with family and it hurts. so what matters is that u are happy.
    angelbritnee

    Answer by angelbritnee at 9:08 AM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I have asked myself that question MANY times...it makes you feel like they are just settling for you. It's like if that is the kind of body you want to look at/fantasize about why don't you go find that woman who looks that way and marry her. What made you choose me when I look NOTHING like that and probably never will. This is how I look at it/life: You CANNOT control what other peolpe do...you can only control your OWN actions. Your husband picked you for -I'm sure- a number of reasons. He will either be faithful and only look at these women or he could cheat one day.... he seems to be still dedicated to you so that's what you have to go on...he is still your hubby and comes home to YOU and tells you you are beautiful. I think making comments is ridiculous and disrespectful and you should say something. But looking is only looking. You have to learn to love yourself before you can let anyone love you.Does that make sense? GL
    CollinsMommy729

    Answer by CollinsMommy729 at 12:00 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Wow, ty so much CollinsMommy......I read that and thought geez!!! I just hate feeling like I am not good enough. Is my SO a cheater? No thank god and I know this for a fact but just seeing who he looks at is enough for me to doubt myself at times and wonder exactley what you just stated. I wanna be what he looks at and yes I know men look duh, I just wanna feel as if those women pale in comparison to me and sometimes I don't. Here I sit starving myself to lose more weight, hoping that I fit that "mold".WHY?? UGH!!!!!!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:12 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN