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What do you do when your torn between two people

Long story short I am torn between my husband and my ex. What makes it difficult is that I dont know which one is my daughters father. Thats a story in itself. My husband is good to me but I am not happy. My ex is getting divorced and wants to be a family with my daughter, he swears she is his but he has only seen her a few times in 5 1/2 years, not since she was 6 months old. I love both of them and dont know what to do. I just dont want to make the wrong choice and have it effect my daughter negatively. And my husband wont take a paternity test, and my ex lives 7 hours away but will be moving back here in the next few months and said he will take one. HELP!

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Dec. 3, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Wow.... what a mess. You made a commitment to be with your husband, so I feel that you should honor that. Your ex is an ex for a reason. We always believe that the grass is greener on the other side. You really need to figure out why you married your husband and why your ex is your ex before you tear your family apart.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:44 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • Well then have your ex take the paterinty test..... she is old enough to know that the man she has been living with is her daddy if he turnes out not to be and you rip her away do you understand how this could affect her!!! you should have taken care of this when she was an infant if you didnt know whos she was...... I dont know if you have a good man who takes care of you and that little girl I would get happy and make your family work there is a reason your ex is your ex!!! you gotta do what you gotta do but this would be hard on a little kid she'd probably need therepy!! anyway good luck!!

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 11:46 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • It sounds like ur hubby is too scared to know the truth about your daughter, or he is just a good man and it doesn't matter because he will always c her as his. When ur ex moves back and u get the results from the test, and if your daughter turns out to be his then decide whether or not u want to be a family. It just seems like u never really got over the past and just went on with ur future. U might still love ur ex, but not really be in love with him. It might be just lust. And u might not be that happy with hubby because u are too stuck in the past and now u know ur ex is getting a divorce so that means that there's hope for u and him. What ur ex is saying sounds good, but everything that glitters ain't gold. Good luck , be careful and make sure u make the right choice for ur daughter's sake.

    Answer by ms.busybody at 11:50 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • I agree with the first poster. Your ex is your EX for a reason, right?

    Are you not happy because you want to be with this other man? I'd really look deep and examine why I want to leave. Examine why I'm not happy.

    In the end, you're the one who has to make this decision, but I'd consider talking to your husband about your feelings. Tell him why you're not happy and let him know if he doesn't want to make you happy, you might just have to be with someone who will. Your happiness DOES matter after all.

    Answer by sweetheart1985 at 12:16 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • sounds like your ex is fantasizing that life will be so much better if he makes this move. remember why you split in the first place. apparently whatever problems he has continue since his next marriage failed. you are not responsible for fixing his stuff. sounds also like your husband doesn't care who the sperm donor is and wants to be a dad. sounds like your best option might be work on what you've got and leave the past where it should be.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 1:42 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • If this ex thinks he's going to step right in and play Dad to this child, he's sadly mistaken. She knows who her Dad is... it's the man that's been there with her every day, the man that does the things a Dad does. Most men and women can produce a child, but it takes someone special to be a Mom or Dad. Regardless of the blood, her Dad is the man that's there for her. Personally I think you should do the testing before you do any serious thinking about the situation. If your husband is the father.... are you prepared for a long custody fight? A lot of states won't do the test or change the birth certificate after a certain age. Are you ready to break that child's heart? Be prepared for all scenarios (sp?)

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 1:56 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • you can do paternity test online. check it out. see what you can do to have it done sooner. that way while he is gone you can think. besides the test tale awhile to come back. i gotta go baby on my lap

    Answer by melody77 at 2:20 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • take the test then decide

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:47 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • The only reason why he is my ex is because I met my husband and we (me and my ex) were just dating so nothing serious. I was told I could not have children, so this was a suprise to me. My husband doesnt want to know the truth becuase he is afraid he will find out she is not his. My due date was changed twice and when I had my daughter it was in the time frame of the ex, my hubby and I had stopped seeing each other for a month. And the only reason why the ex got married was becuase his now wife was pregnant and then went and had an abortion after they were married, he was devastated and since then has been in contact with me to try to work things out. My hubby is very MEAN to my daughter and cannot handle her, she has anxiety disorder. I have to homeschool her becuase she was kicked out of school for having panic attacks, and that is the honest truth.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:05 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • i don't mean this to come across judgementally, but it does sound like you and your ex don't give a whole lot of thought before acting about consequences. lack of use of birth control, fast marriages, a bit of self-centeredness not considering how your actions (both) affect the other three people involved... none of these relationships in any combination sound healthy and there seems to be alot of immaturity. before you do ANYTHING, sit down and figure out what your goals and priorities are and some ways in various scenarios you can accomplish them. If you PM me I am willing to share some tools that helped me. Not judging - trust me I've done plenty of similar stuff... I know how to proceed a little better now. ((hugs))

    Answer by figaro8895 at 6:03 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

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