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I can't handle the fits

I cannot deal with dd's fits any longer. I told her that toys do not belong in my room, something she's always been told and a fit starts. I tell her that she needs to go play in her room so I can get the other rooms straightened up, and another fit starts. I ask her to please pick up her toys and put them away and that if she does she can watch a movie, and she refuses to pick her toys up even though she's asking for a movie..I tell her no movie and explain why, and she starts screaming and yelling to turn a movie on..again, I calmly tell her no movie and explain why and told her if she kept yelling at me that I was going to close the door and she would have to stay in there. Of course she didn't stop yelling (even after I gave her time to calm down), so I shut the door. I go in my room and lock myself in the bathroom, to get 5 minutes of calm down time for me (bc at this point I'm fed up from all that's happened and trying to keep from yelling at her) and dd's standing at the door yelling/screaming/crying to unlock the door. I don't know what to do. I stay at home so she sees me all day every day and is a complete different person when dh comes home. How can I get her under control? She has boundaries and consequences but nothing seems to work. I need suggestions or something. Dds 3 btw.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Apr. 25, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (8)
  • Have you tried any type of Love and Logic parenting? it was helpful for us. DH and I took a class on it - its basically rearranging how you state things by giving them options and making them feel they have a say in more things..it sounds like she could also be strong willed which my son is and I found a great book "raising the strong willed child" and so far.. its pretty dead on what I dealt with during those tantrums at 2..hang in there mommy..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:52 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • My DD is 3 also and started doing the same thing about 2 months ago. When a fit starts I tell hr to go in her room and do whatever she needs to do to "get it out". I tell her that she may come out when she is ready to use her big girl words and talk. It works for us. Maybe you need to close your DD's door instead of going in your room so that you can monitor if she tries to leave her room. The more you show that her behavior affects you, the worse it is likely to get. You have to find a way to show her that you are in control. Good luck.
    Kimedbs

    Answer by Kimedbs at 2:57 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Beyond the books mentioned by maxsmom I also enjoyed 1-2-3 Magic and Grace Based Parenting. Thay also had some good suggestions. I lime to read multiple books and take what I like or know I will be able to keep up and make my own 'protocol'. Finding something you feel works and you can stick with can be hard sometimes.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 2:58 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I've found with my son that some of the threats and things dont work with him. I can bribe him until I am blue in the face and it doesnt work. What I did find is that when it comes to cleaning and his toys, it helps to give him a tool to help me clean and he is all about that. The toys I have to tell him that daddy is on his way home and he has to pick them up so daddy doesnt trip over them. Usually does the trick as long as he isnt overly exhausted. He's two btw.
    SammysMommy9508

    Answer by SammysMommy9508 at 2:58 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • distraction works best for me, If my son is throwning a fit i find something more important than the reason he is crying. Or ill ask him if hes mad..(even though i know he is) and then ask him why...when u get her to calm down try talking to her about cleaning again. im at a learning stage with my 3yr old too...but this is something i use , it doesnt always work but it helps
    AydensMommy1109

    Answer by AydensMommy1109 at 3:02 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Maxsmom....i haven't read those books but I've heard of the "strong willed child", I should check into that one since my ds who is 5 is very strong willed. Although, he is much better now that he is a bit older. I think I can explain things to him (after the fact) and reason with him.


    Don't you think it is funny, when we were growing up, our parents would tell us to do something and we did it. There were no "parenting books" and how to accommodate our children.

    ItsJustMe1017

    Answer by ItsJustMe1017 at 3:03 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • She's testing her boundaries. When she gets belligerent like that, come down to her level and tell her in a firm voice that her behavior is unacceptable and if she continues that behavior, she will be put in time out. If she continues, sit her wherever you decide to make the time out spot whether it be the bottom step, a chair in the corner or even a guest bedroom. Explain to her why she is being placed there and that she is to sit there until you come back for her. Set a timer for yourself, one minute per year of the child's age. She may get up but when that happens, place her back without speaking to her and start the time over. When she has sat the full two minutes, go back and get to her level once again and explain again why she was put there and that that behavior will not be tolerated. Then tell her you want an apology and a hug and kiss. Be sure to make eye contact and always be firm, never yell & Consistency is key.
    MamaStuart

    Answer by MamaStuart at 3:06 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • When my daughter does that, I ask her if she needs a hug, and usually she does. Or, if she refuses at first, I will just stand there with my arms open, and slowly, she will make her way over to me and gets a hug and calms down. I think it's like a storm of emotions for them, and they don't know how to get through it or express it well. Most adults don't know, why should they? I just think that she does it to me because she trusts me and knows that no matter what, I love her, and I will love her before, during and after her raging. After she becomes calm, we talk about what she's thinking, feeling, etc, and she's able to better express herself.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 6:36 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

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