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Am I right for giving in?

This is a long story....My bf , Tab and I have known each other since we were in 5th grade. We ended up marrying brothers.. Well, we have been pretty much living together with our in laws off and on since 2005. I have a son who loves his aunt tabby to death, here is the thing, here husband is bipolar and he is violent a lot and has been that way since he was a teenager. He would get into violent fights with his parents and with his brother, my husband. Well, about 2 weeks ago one of those fights broke out and my bf and her hub was kicked out and went to texas to live with her parents. But the bs is still happening, my fil posted some crap on facebook about that people should remove his son from their pages. SO in retaliation my bil post stuff also, but he posted that his father was a child molester and that people should watch their kids around him. So after that post was made I was told that I can not let them talk to their nephew, my son. They do have the authority to do this, bc they pay for my cell phone, therefore, it is their biz as to who I speak with on it. My question is... Has anyone else been it such a messed up situation as this? This really sucks, I miss my bf and I know my son misses his aunt, but could this really be for the best seeing as how violent his uncle was? There are just so many questions going through my head and I have no answers to any of them. I just want things to get better, but I don't see that happening. =( Can some one help me please any advice about anything is welcome, i have no one to talk to anymore... all they want to talk about is themselves, I am hurting inside too, but I am suppose to be concerned about you, when you don't even ask me how I am feeling? I just need someone, anyone....

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lamom2aj

Asked by lamom2aj at 3:06 PM on Apr. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 7 (193 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I feel tha you should adress the problem with him face to face not being rude and if it goes well your child should be able to see them if you still feel ify about it you should go with your child to insure nothing will happen
    MiszNewStuff

    Answer by MiszNewStuff at 3:09 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Oh honey, I'm here for you. I can relate to that kind of drama and the feeling alone with no one to talk to either. I had to make a very hard decision about my own mother recently and it's really tough. My real father left when I was 5 and Im not close to anyone in my family, so I can understand that very alone feeling. Please feel free to pm me anytime.
    darter

    Answer by darter at 3:11 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • The entire situation is childish. Your fil needs to learn to keep private things, private and so does your husband. Facebook isn't the place to be venting. Sounds like your bil needs some help. Start paying your own bill, and then talk to whomever you want,
    BabyBugsmama

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 3:11 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • It sounds like a controlling and dramatic situation. Is there any way you can remove yourself from it? I'm sorry and good luck, but your under their financial control so its hard to make your own decisions, unless you make a stand for yourself.

    amazinggrace83

    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 3:12 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Oh hun!! Thats awful! Well one. its your son! Id tell id do what I wanted to do with my son and talk to who I wanted to talk to. They can take the cell phone bill and shove it up their ass! Just because ther having problems shouldnt mean your child should be removed from him uncle's life! Like I said, Its YOUR son and YOUR life. As far as I can see, you can do whatever the hell you want to do. Have you spoken to your bil since? Have you spoke to you fil and mil?? Tell them you WANT your bff and your bil in your son's life!
    GraciesMommy464

    Answer by GraciesMommy464 at 3:12 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Sounds like a poisonous situation all around and you need to get OUT of the in-laws home.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:13 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Sorry, I don't care who pays the cell phone bill, they still can't tell you who and whom to talk to. Sounds like you are being treated as a child. When are you moving into your own place?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:13 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Has anyone tried to get your brother-in-law help? Bi-polars can be helped. Also, do you have access to another phone--one that isn't paid for by your in-laws? If you do, I would not let them dictate to me that I couldn't talk to my friend. Also, what's your husband saying about all this? Has he discussed it with his folks? My guess is that there are underlying issues going on in this family of which you are unaware and which probably go back to way before you and your friend became members of this family. You don't say why it is necessary that you have all had to live with them, but I would be looking for ways to get out of the hornets' nest and into a place where you can sort of be the queen of your own castle. In the meantime, I would write to my friend, via snail mail and ask her to send notes and/or cards and pictures to your son. That's the way we used to have to maintain long-distance relationships and it works!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:14 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • FB only makes things worse...perhaps you should speak with you parent-in-laws, and you BIL and DH as well. This is a crappy situation.
    JustCantWait88

    Answer by JustCantWait88 at 9:16 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Your FIL doesn't get to dictate or control who people maintain relationships with. Why don't you either reimburse your FIL for the cost of the phone or use Skype to talk to your BIL's family.

    Next, bipolar is a mental illness. I do not condone violence in anyway, but this may be something your BIL can't totally control even with medication. Keeping your child out of harm's way is definitely important, but that doesn't mean you can't maintain a long distance relationship with the family. In fact, they probably need some love and support precisely because they are dealing with this disorder. I am sure your SIL really needs you. Nothing is ever simple with a mental disorder. It is so hard to be the spouse of someone who has one of these disorders. I sometimes think it may be harder to be the spouse than it is to be the person with the disorder.
    momofkids

    Answer by momofkids at 10:14 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

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