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2 Bumps

Husband says he doesn't want to be with me anymore?

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years and have a 1 yr old son together. He is in the military as well. A few days ago he said he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He says he loves and cares for me but isn't in love with me anymore and we have lost that connection. He thinks of me more as a friend now. I want to try counseling and work on our relationship because I know in my heart it could work and I don't want to end things and not at least give it a try. He says it doesn't feel right to try and that he doesn't think he is the guy for me. Any questions ask as of why he doesn't want to try or anything to do with his train of thought about this decision, the answer is "I DON'T KNOW". I didn't do anything at all to make such a brash decision and this totally came out of left field. We have our arguments like any couple but they are never too serious, more just little things and we are best friends and get along really well and have a lot of the same interests. He has done this before when he was deployed (I was pregnant with our son) and he did the same thing, same words, everything to the point for the most part. I got fed up with it and basically said I don't care anymore do whatever, my main priority is me and my son now. and he did a total 180. Now he says he only did that now because when he saw our son he only was thinking of him and nothing else. After that point NOTHING has came up until now, the first time he is away from home since he returned from deployment. (he is in training) I really don't know how to wrap my mind around the situation. I think it is in part to being around guys who are unattached, he desires that lifestyle again (we are still young) to do whatever he wants. I really don't know... He says he has counseling set up but seems so reluctant to work on the relationship.. when I ask if he will try he says his favorite response "I don't know". He also doesn't want to live at home when he gets back. How should I react to this? and does anyone have any idea what may be going on with him?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Apr. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • Sorry mom, This is a sad story. Let him go, He will come back
    MexTexmom2

    Answer by MexTexmom2 at 3:25 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I wish I had an answer for you...I am so sorry. I will keep you in my prayers. I am here if you need someone to talk to.
    mkdirector2011

    Answer by mkdirector2011 at 3:26 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • If you have access to a military counselor, please make an appt and go . . .even if he won't go with you. There are specific challenges to military marriages, especially when one spouse has to be away from home for extended periods. It may be that you two need some tools to deal with the separations.

    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 3:26 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • My hubby, also military did the same thing. He didn't want to try to work it out. I ended up raising our daughter myself. Now I'm getting married in June to Mr. Right!
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 3:26 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Sounds like he could be stressed. Let him go for sometime and when away he can clear his head and give more thought to keeping the marriage together. ((hugs))
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 3:26 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • My first thought when reading this, is that he is having an affair. Or thinking about having one. You two have not been married long enough for him to be not interested in you, so something else is going on. Personally, if a man said that to me, I would say, fine, there's the door. And I would go to the bank, clean out the bank accounts and get the meanest lawyer I could. Then I would fine someone to truly love me like I deserved to be loved. But that is just me.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 3:27 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • *hugs* I think you can't MAKE anyone love you anymore and if you try harder to make this work, eventually it could lead to this happening later. Focus and you and your son and find someone who does deserve the efforts you give in a relationship. Good luck.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:27 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • If this has come up before if will come up again. If he isn't willing to work on your marriage, then he isn't going to be the husband or dad your son deserves. Take a week or two part from each other. Then after those two weeks, talk about it. See how he felt after not being with you.
    BabyBugsmama

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 3:27 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • mybe stress, distance between yall. i don't know. i advize you sit down and just let him pour it all out with you and be sensitive, and slow to speak and quick to listen
    fun3oo

    Answer by fun3oo at 3:28 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Even if you aren't a Christian, I would like to suggest that you grab the movie "Fireproof" and the book "The Love Dare."
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 3:28 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

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