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5 Bumps

Shouldn't I have known?!?

Today, My mom came over to my apartment. I have twin daughter and she was playing with them.

She started telling me a story. She said that when she was pregnant with me, she was also pregnant with a little boy. I was a twin. She lost my brother (Christoph) at 6 months.

I was in tears when she finished the story. Im 17 almost 18 years old, and shes just now telling me the story of the brother I never had. I was upset with her. I wished she would have told me sooner. Im just so upset about it.

Why? Should I even be upset with her?!?!

Answer Question
 
GraciesMommy464

Asked by GraciesMommy464 at 3:32 PM on Apr. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 10 (469 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • No do not be upset with her. Maybe she has just come to the point she can talk about it. ((hugs)) for you and your Mother.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 3:34 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • It's painful for her. It wasn't until I was a teenager and went to a gyno appt with my mom that I accidentally found out that she had been pregnant with another child before my sister was born. It was a boy but she miscarried. It was so so painful that she never spoke of it and still never has even though I found out.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 3:36 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I nor anyone else can tell you if you should or should not be upset with her. All I can suggest is this. Look really deep within yourself and pinpoint "why" you are feeling upset with her about it? What you feel, directly stems from your thoughts (same with every other human being). Figure out your thoughts about the whole situation and you will pinpoint why you feel the way you do. Once you figure out the "why" it's much easier to deal with the feelings you are having. You may even find that you aren't upset at all, that your are just full of a bunch of jumbled thoughts having been caught off guard by this conversation and revelation from your mother. 

    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:37 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I wouldn't be upset. That's a hard thing to deal with.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 3:37 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I wouldn't be upset. There are reasons she didn't say anything . . . and, sometimes that stuff can be really hard for a kid to understand. Now that she has opened the door, feel free to ask any questions that you may need answered. Hugs.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 3:37 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I'm sure it was very hard for her to lose him. It isn't always about us. She must have needed some time and to be in the right position to tell you. Nothing can change it.
    BabyBugsmama

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 3:39 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • One given thing when parenting is to avoid and protect children from pain unless necessary. If the child will benefit or if it affects their life directly from information then yes, it is better they know. Otherwise what is the point? There is nothing you can do to change this. You now know. It had to be very hard on your mom. Now you can talk to her and share that part of her life. It is a shock and disappointment - it is understanable you are upset, but don't let your emotions get misplaced sideways and land on your mom. She did what she thought was in your best interests. Hugs !!
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 3:47 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • All I can think of is that you mom suffered in silence. It’s her call to tell you when and I’d be glad she in trusted me with that information. Maybe since you were turning 18 now it’d be a good time share that information now.
    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 3:59 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • dont be upset ...sometimes they have to wait for the right time to talk about it and let it out...im sure it was very difficult on her...
    jaksonsmommy

    Answer by jaksonsmommy at 4:18 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I think you're just upset that you didn't know, and now being a mother of twins yourself I am sure it hits a bit closer to home. But I don't think you are really mad at your mother, you are just directing your anger that way. Put yourself in her shoes for a minute, imagine having lost one of your twins at pregnancy. So you are dealing with the grief of a miscarriage and then the joy of a pregnancy at the same time, it would be really bittersweet. And then how do you tell a child, when do you tell a child? That's not easy to figure out, I would assume either it was too hard for her to talk about or she just didn't know how to bring it up to you. She may have also had concerns that as a child you would wonder why your brother died and you didn't and if it was somehow your fault that he died, or if she would wish she had him instead of you. It's a lot for a kid to understand and hard for a mother to talk about. Hugs to you.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:18 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

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