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Attitude from a 4 year old!? Terrible two's all over again...

So my 4 year old has an insane attitude problem, and I don't know what else to do. I use time-outs and other similar punishments, and I always praise her when she's been good. She has gotten to this point where she doesn't want to learn anything from me, and she is constantly doing all she can to disobey me. Oh and her new favorite thing is yelling she hates me (not even sure where she got that word from because I don't use it) sometimes when I get on to her and a time or two just because she was mad (not even at me). I just don't know what to do...I've got an almost 2-year old as it is that I struggle with at times, but I never thought I'd get this kind of treatment atleast not until my kids were almost teenagers...Any advice?

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Asked by ramita at 6:28 PM on Apr. 25, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 12 (785 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Sorry I dont have any advice for you. but my son is exactly the same way! Complete with the I hate yous. He just turned 4 and hes been acting like this for a long time now.

    Answer by Lobelia at 6:34 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • hee hee what a fun age, I feel for dd hit 4 and started to behave like a 15 year old, she hated me, I was wrong, she wouldnt listen to me, Im no help because I went from trying all the super nanny stuff to goin from ignoring it to getting angry with her, she is 5 now and thankfully over it. Good luck with her, I know its hard but its just something they have to go through. My friends who have dd same age went through same thing.

    Answer by DawnLauren at 6:36 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I know that must tear your heart out. Please know that she does not really comprehend hate. To her it is an angry word. Since you are also involved with your two year old, she is likely to be jealous and is hitting and acting out. I would start by finding a way to spend time with just her and have nothing else interfere. No phone, no housework, no sibling interruption. Every day would be great but at least every other day. Let her know that it is her time and nothing will interfere with it.
    Find out what she would like to do and plan some activities just for her. Good luck.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 6:37 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Forgive my laughter. My daughter started her terrible two's at 16 months, turned 4 six weeks ago and nothing's really changed in the interim. I'm so ready to rip all my hair out. Slowly though, day by day, she's getting better. She has better days and rotten days. When she starts getting too mouthy though we tell one or more of the following things:
    1) I didn't ask you to argue with me I told you to do ____________ now do it.
    2) You are not in charge
    3) Change your attitude, right now
    4) Stay in your room until you can be nicer to Me/Dad/Brother.
    She HATES being told to play by herself so isolation usually works wonders on getting her to straighten up. She also LOVES to go bye bye so denying her that also works: NO, you have to stay home because you were not nice to (whoever); only GOOD kids get to go.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 6:56 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Oh, and the "I HATE you's" that MY daughter screams at me as I've told her to clean her room for the umpteenth time just tell me I'm doing my job. I'll be their friend later, right now I'm MOM.

    The Mom Song


    Answer by Rosehawk at 6:59 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Rosehawk I know what you mean I've been going through the terrible twos with my almost two year old for a few months now.

    I understand that she does not understand hate although I have tried to tell her that if you say that it means that you do not love that person. She still says it... I do try to do stuff with her, thankfully youngest daughter still takes a good 1 to 2hr nap so I usually do something with her during that time. Also, it seems like it is the afternoon that this is the worst. I've also tried making her lay down when she was acting up. I'm just at a loss because I didn't even say that to my parents (at least not out loud) when I was a teenager...I'm just so stressed with everything else that I dunno what else to do...I hope it passes soon...

    Comment by ramita (original poster) at 7:25 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • OP I feel you. My DD's attitude has been worse than ever at age 4. I'll take age 2 I'll take away computer game time, Mario Kart time, favortite toys, favorite shows, outdoor time, whatever, when she acts up (only ONE thing at a time). Whatever it is I take away, she has to EARN back with kind words, and listening. Time out really doesn't phase her anymore, which is why I now take away things.

    Answer by KairisMama at 9:45 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

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