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What to do when the father of your child still thinks of your relationship as "friends with benefits"?

We have lived together for 2 years now and been best friends for 13 years. We are happy together and get along like a house on fire. I'd always had feelings for him but didn't say them as I knew he didn't feel the same, he's gay... So 3 years ago we fell into bed together somehow and then we carried on. Contraception failed us and we now have a beautiful daughter who we both adore, we decided to live together shortly after she was born so we could raise her together. We carried on having sex all this time and I did tell him my feelings for him and he said he felt strange about me, he may like me, he was confused... Well since then (2 years ago) he's said nothing about it. He still thinks we're friends with benefits (we still have sex...) and if I try to bring anything else up he says: "i'm gay, i'm gay, we can both date other people". So I went on a date with a man a few weeks ago, just something a friend set up, and when I got back he was so upset and jealous he wouldn't stop kissing and being physical for me for a few days (within reason!!)...

He still denies we're anything though and I'm out of my mind with it. I'm so confused about whether he likes me or maybe I'm just kidding myself since he still thinks he's gay. He hasn't been with anyone else in years and neither have I, and he just WON'T talk. I'm confused... Does anyone have any ideas? This is all swirling round my head and every time I try to talk to him he just looks at me like I'm crazy and skips on yet we're still intimate all the time and cuddle etc and basically behave like a couple.

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:56 PM on Apr. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Stop the benifits

    Answer by mrsvixen at 6:57 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • stop the sexing. move out, if you can afford to. give him an ultimatum, and be prepared for whatever he answers. you either are a couple, or you aren't. if he's 'gay' (it sounds more like an excuse..or he's more screwed up than you know), then he needs to address that and leave you alone. if he's not 'gay', and he doesn't want to be a couple with you, you need to go your separate ways..and behave like parents of a shared child, not a shared bed that doesn't really exist.

    Answer by dullscissors at 7:02 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Be friends WITHOUT benefits. See how the relationship handles that.

    Answer by meooma at 7:15 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Yeah, I agree about cutting on the benefits to see what is left. As far as him being gay, I have never met a gay man who continued having sex with a female, but anything is possible.

    Answer by older at 7:20 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • He sounds more bisexual than gay, IMO. You need to stop the "benefits"; it's not good for you, obviously. You guys can raise a child together without being physical. He's obviously more into you than he lets on, if he gets jealous when you go out with other guys, but this is not a healthy relationship...and, down the road, it won't be heathy for your child either.

    Answer by JustCantWait88 at 8:30 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

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