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What should I do, never been in any situation like this?

Me and my husband be married for 10 years and last week he said he didn;t want to be with me anymore. For the last 5 years we have been talking about having a baby , so I decided to get off my birth control and get pregnant , which I did. But after telling me he wanted to end our marriage, I started to stress a little and lost the baby. I let him know what happen and he seemed upset, but still doesn't want to be together anymore. All this is happen while he is out to sea on a 9 month deployment. He just go back 7 months age from a 7 month deployment. He just left about 4 weeks ago and trying to call off our 10 year marriage through email. We wasn't fighting or anything like that before he left, everything was fine. I don't want to get a divorce, but I can;t force him to be with me. I'm not sure if anybody can give me advice on this situation, but I would like to hear some opinions. PLEASE HELP!

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Saree757

Asked by Saree757 at 7:27 PM on Apr. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Never try to keep a man that wants to go, set him free and let him find happiness elsewhere.
    older

    Answer by older at 7:31 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • give it time...
    he sounds lost...
    Idiosyncratic

    Answer by Idiosyncratic at 7:33 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Ah yes, my ex was on deployment in Saudi when he came back he wanted nothing to do with me or his daughter. Turned out he was sleeping around on these deployments. Like u said, u can't force him. Good luck.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 7:33 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • makes me wonder if there is some other girl on the ship he's interested in or having an affair with. I would try to talk to him about it...get ahold of his commander and let him know what's going on...i wouldn't throw 10yrs of marriage away...maybe ask him if he'd be interested in couseling?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:37 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Find yourself someone who will love and respect you and treat you the way you should be treated.
    mrsvixen

    Answer by mrsvixen at 7:38 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • First I just want to HUG you. That is SOO hard. I am SOOO sorry you are going thru this.
    I think I would try to be strong. Tell him you love him, you want to be married to him, but if he wants to leave, you're ok with that and you will be fine. Give yourself some time to greive and get some counseling... this is a hard time... but in time you will see that this is for the best.... better things are on the horizon for you. A child never saves a marriage... they have this uncanny ability to bring out the worst-- since they are a MAJOR STRESSOR.
    Some one else will love and appreciate you the way this man does not seem to be able to. Someone else will be devoted to you and your children together. This man does not see how wonderful you are. IT IS HIS LOSS.
    SamMom912

    Answer by SamMom912 at 7:39 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • i would say there is another person involved in this whole mess. counseling would be a good idea but only if he takes it seriously. i dont think contacting his commander would be a good idea. especially if you do get divorced, hell need the job to pay your alimony!!
    mykidsmom86

    Answer by mykidsmom86 at 7:39 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • He sounds like his mind is made up so there is nothing you can do except try to accept it. You don't really want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you or want to be with you. I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's time to move on and make a life for yourself.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 7:52 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I'm sorry =[ I can't even imagine how you must feel right now. Pregnancies never keep a marriage or relationship going, however...DH's BM tried that, and all she got was another BD and a custody battle. My advice is to TRY counseling, if he's willing. But if his mind s made up, you need to do your best to move on and be happy. Forcing the marriage to continue will only hurt you more in the long run, and cause resentment between the two of you. I wish you the best of luck ::hugs::
    JustCantWait88

    Answer by JustCantWait88 at 8:10 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • A lot of things happen when you are deployed. He may have done something he feels he could never share with you. Now it could be something like killing someone, seeing someone killed, or even cheating on you and you may never find out, but it may not even be anything so serious. A lot of people who have been deployed feel like civilians can never understand what they went through while deployed. I suggest patience and counseling, if he is up to it. I wish you the best.
    1sttimemommy711

    Answer by 1sttimemommy711 at 8:20 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

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