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Why Do i try to be everything when it fails?

Today i went did my errands, played with the kids outside since the weather finally got nice out, brought them inside to get ready for nap. Put them down for nap, in the mist of all that i did laundry and hung the clothes outside to dry, plus i cleaned the kitchen and got supper done, and did the dishes. I was proud of myself. My son went out by his friend dan's house who is our neighbor and dan's mom watched my 3 year old for me.
As i was doing so much inside my feet hurt, my bunyun acted up, and my legs are sore. I asked my husband nicely to check to see if there is clean clothes down in the basement that needs to be folded while i am folding clothes already. He whines about it, goes down brings an empty basket, so i ended up going down in the basement to get the basket that has clothes in it.
I try to be a good mom, a good wife, but i feel like i just can't.
Then when he asks me to help him i have to jump on it, but when i ask one little favor he has a temper tantrum like a damn kid.
How is it fair that i have to help him find something, or get him something to drink or even make his plate for supper including the kids plates, but when i ask to get one thing for me, he has temper tantrum.
He aready acted out on easter and hurt my leg when he threw a pen at me, when i threw it underhanded so he could use it, and it hit his head. SO he got mad and threw it with all his might and i am the one with a bruise and a pen hole in my calf. All because i couldn't help him find one thing for his MP3 player that could of waited for 10mins while my 3 year old son was looking for his easter basket and 7month old son checking out his easter basket which may i add was my 7month olds first easter.
IS it fair

Answer Question
 
2boysyahoo.com

Asked by 2boysyahoo.com at 8:07 PM on Apr. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,515 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • I am so sorry love. This sounds like an abusive relationship to me, though. Mentally and emotionally, and physically (even though it was just a pen, he did it forcefully and ended up hurting you). You shouldn't feel that you're not good enough; that is abuse. I suggest counseling, if he's up for it, or...the relationship may not be worth it. Kids deserve both parents, but not when the parents don't work well together. i hope things get better for you, and stay strong.
    JustCantWait88

    Answer by JustCantWait88 at 8:17 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Yep, it sounds abusive.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 8:37 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • This is a case of "learned helplessness". Your husband learned from an early age that if he threw a freaking hissy fit, his mother wouldn't expect him to actually DO anything, and would jump to do whatever he was fussing about just to keep the peace. So now you have to teach him a different way. Sit down with him and lay out what both of you expect from the other person, write it all down and agree to it. Then, you call him on his bullshit behavior, but do it NICELY. And if he doesn't ask you for help NICELY, point out that you'd be happy to help, once he drops the attitude and asks nicely.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 8:33 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

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