Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Having SERIOUS trouble with my 8yr old son..NEED ADVICE PLEASE!!!!!

My 8 yr old son has serious issues regarding authority, but just here at home. I met the man I am with 3 yrs ago, and my son does not like the idea of anybody being the man of the house. His father was incarcerated last year, and he has been taking that pretty hard. My boyfriend has tried, but to no avail, to reach him and be his friend & father figure, but he keeps on pushing him away. He told me that he is not going to try anymore. My other 2 sons look up to my boyfriend, just not my oldest. He lashes out at me and his brother quite a bit. His biggest problem, is that whenever he does not get whatever it is he seems to want...he screams. Loud. Loud enough to have us kicked out of our old apartment complex. Loud enough to have the police out here on 3 occasions inside of 1 month. He has been to doctors, who claim he has a type of Bi-Polar Disorder. He is taking meds, but they have absolutely no effect. I told his doctor, and he said there was nothing left that he could do. Which I don't believe of course. He does not act up anywhere but home. He loves to smart off to everyone, but especially me. Like I've done something wrong. We have tried everything. My boyfriend is on the verge of leaving because of him. He does not want too though. So, does anybody know of anything I can do? Another thing, is that whenever my b/f and I hug or kiss, he starts screaming. It is evident that he does not want us together. Thanks in advance!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:24 PM on Apr. 25, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (13)
  • try taking him to a counselor. and i would also have another dr evaluate him.

    Answer by mykidsmom86 at 8:27 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I am sorry to say this and you might not like it... but if it came down to my kids or my boyfriend, the boyfriend would be outta here so fast his head would swim! Obviously there is an issue between your son and the boyfriend.. I'm saying it can be as easy as your son does not like the guy... regardless, let the guy leave and tend to your son... He sounds like he really needs YOU right now... not another man coming in to take over.

    Answer by m-avi at 8:28 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • It is a big deal to have dad incarcerated. And if you were with dad until jail, then he has lost his dad in two ways. Please make sure that he is seeing a counselor. You need to make that happen on a regular basis. And, some adjustment difficulties are expected.

    Bi-polar for an 8 yr old? Wow . .. I am not such a fan of diagnosing that at such a young age. It is more likely a trauma and adjustment disorder. Do you have him in counseling?

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 8:30 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I can understand the frustration your bf is having and I don't think letting him leave is the answer. I would definitely get a second opinion on the kid. Also, spanking is not illegal-leaving marks is. I'd be spanking.

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 8:31 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • He sounds like a very angry child to me. He needs help to learn how to properly vent that anger. I would make some calls to churches, asking if they have somebody on staff who is knowledgeable about anger issues. Many churches now have trained persons who are very helpful with these kinds of problems.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:34 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I think he needs to talk it out with someone his father went to jail and in comes another man maybe he is over stimulated and over time that can load up and if he does not have the skills to talk about it so he needs counseling to make this happen.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 8:34 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I remember watching something similar on Dr.Phil :S I'll be praying for you

    Answer by TexasMama2Boys at 8:35 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I am leaving this comment for m-avi......My boyfriend is not trying to take over. He has been here for the past 3 yrs helping me raise him and his brothers. I have the right to be happy and making my bf leave is not gonna happen. I asked for your advice not for you to be a ass about it. I am doing all i can for my son. and I should not have to put my life on hold just because he dont like my boyfriend. And i am not picking anyone over my son. he comes first and he always will. but the point is if i let my bf leave that is only showing my son he has won..........

    as far as the other comments: I think my son is doing it for attention. the doc said whether its good or bad attention thats what he wants. he is seeing the school social worker right now, she is helping me find a child tharpist. The doc is also gonna be doing a EEG on him to see what he can find out. I take my son a regular basis to see daddy, kinda helps.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:06 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I will be devils advocate your son has already lost you think he is doing this for attention and yes you do deserve to be happy but he is at the stage where whatever reason he started this now he knows he has lost kids are smart. He feels you are never going to leave your bf he knows. the structure he once had is over but I can say this because I did it to and the pain I was not going to be able to change it kept me bitter and angry. He is trapped in his own anger and the little blows he can give you and the pain he feels are going to have to be discussed. I hate to say this you are what boils down to a sometimes friend . Therapy is needed to release the grief before it becomes hatred.


    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:09 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • His father is the one he believes to be his only ally no matter how long your BF has been there he is the enemy the cause of this even if he had nothing to do with it. His reasoning will be he came about the same time this structure or this family fell. He needs other kids in a group a support group that is what helped me I was still bitter but I talked about it and talking to others might help him. It sounds strange but it can help.


    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:17 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.