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2 Bumps

My husband works 40 hours a week, yet has no spending money. How long do you think he will go for this?

Only a few short weeks after we got married, I checked my husband's bank account and learned he spent all of our small savings and money we got as wedding gifts on bull crap. His account was in the negative when I knew we should have had at least $2000. Most of the purchases were from drug stores, fast food restaurants, website subscriptions, and gas stations. He wasn't buying gas because we have a separate gas card. The biggest purchase was a $350 ipod touch that he bought to replace one he lost and didn't tell me about. So you know the rest of it was small purchases at dozen's of random stores.

To remedy, he went to counseling for his lying and compulsive spending. We decided that I would be the one to control all the finances. I had him get the account into the positive and close the account so all the websites could stop charging him. Then he opened a new account at a different bank and we keep only about $100 in it just to help his credit score by having an open, active bank account. I keep the card though. His paychecks are direct deposited into my personal account and I pay bills and buy household stuff from it. I also give him an allowance from it. Only $15 every 2 weeks. It's gone in 2 days because he buys cigarettes and usually spends the rest at work vending machine. He takes his lunch to work from home and I buy all his toiletries so he really have no needs. I just can't imagine him willing to not have any money for himself after working so hard. I fear one day he saying to hell with this and try to rearrange things where he gets more spending money. We can't afford for him to have more because I'm trying to rebuild part of our savings. Plus we are saving for a new car. Even once we get the car, the money I put away every month will go towards the note. We have been living like this for almost a year. I don't know how much longer he will go for it.


Asked by Anonymous at 9:26 PM on Apr. 25, 2011 in Money & Work

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I would highly recommend a Financial Peace University class for both of you. My husband and I attended, and it made a world of difference in how we relate to money. It sounds like your husband has a lot of growing up to do when it comes to finances. FPU is a Christian based program so there are references to the Bible, but the advice is fantastically simple.

    Answer by NooraK at 2:54 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • depends on how bad he wants to help himself

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Men can go like that forever. My husband occasionally does it without knowing it. The problem is that things add up and NO ONE wants to admit that they don't have the money to do this or that. So it's a little here and a little there, but they forgot about the 3rd little thing so they tack on 2 more. Lucky for us, since I've started working from home we don't really have to worry about that aspect anymore.

    Answer by kbishop8688 at 9:46 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I think you guys are in a tough situation, and I can tell you that if I were him $30 a month discretionary spending would not cut it for me. But what can you do? How much you make is how much you make and you have bills. Working 40 hours a week is a lot to work to feel like you can't spend your own money especially if he is a compulsive spender. He has been trooper for the last year......but we all have our limits. Are you dual income?

    Answer by HollyBoBolly at 9:53 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Why can't you get a part time job to help out replenish the savings or buy a new car?? Work an oppisite shift if daycare is a problem. Seriously, he is a grown man... 15 bux every two weeks?? How much are you spending on stuff that isn't related to direct needs of the household?? I don't know many men that would go on being treated like a child for as long as he has.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Men can go like that forever.

    I'm hoping this is true for my man. At least for the time being anyways.

    He has been trooper for the last year......but we all have our limits. Are you dual income?

    I agree. That's why I posted the question. I'm a career waitress. Doing it 8+ years. I couldn't imagine not ever having 1 dollar in my pocket. I always have a little cash for emergencies. He never has anything. His parents gave us $20 as a small gift for a recent holiday. I was leaving for my mom's when they gave it to us so I let him take it to work. By the time he got home, it was gone. He just HAD to try the new spicy chicken sandwich from chick-fil-a and that new mia stuff you add to your water bottles.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:05 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I still waitress part time and I babysit the rest of the week. I was the only income for years as he went through school in order to get the job he has. To those of you who may think I don't help, I've done plenty. Still is, thank you.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:09 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • I'm sure this is a really stressful situation for you. I think you are doing the right thing. Maybe suggest to your husband that he get a PT job and he can keep all the money he makes. It will be less time for you together but finances are the number one reason for divorce and I think that this may appease him without putting you guys in a bind.

    Answer by HollyBoBolly at 10:16 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • Are you ever going to let him have more of a say in how the money is spent? To me that would seem like it would be part of the healing process and part of how he regains your trust. I totally understand that there isn't very much money to spare right now though- heck between my husband and I we get $20 a month to blow and it used to be $5. But I do think that finances is something that should be shared in a marriage if possible. Maybe you could ease back into it and see how it goes?

    Answer by Erica_Smerica at 10:30 PM on Apr. 25, 2011

  • My ex has a stable, well-paying job with the government and still doesn't have two nickels to rub together because he blows it all on beer, fast food, porn, and "toys" (big ticket items like a computer, phone, TV).


    Answer by 1smartcookie at 2:53 PM on Apr. 26, 2011