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Our wedding plans keep changing!!! (vent/need advice)

Okay so we are wanting to get married. It started out as justice of peace. Then his mom really wanted to come. So it was gonna be his whole family (mom dad sister and brothers) well my parents live in va. we are in tx. and they said...well we were thinking about it and we want to be there bc the first time you say your vows will be the most significant. (we were going to have a big wedding after the baby is born) well then i said well if ya'll are coming then I'd like you (my dad) to marry us. Because that is tradition and thats what I've always wanted anyway. Well my fiancee's mom made a huge deal about NOT wanting my dad to marry us. So we decided to have the SMALL ceremony in Va at Shenandoah Mts (bc its significant to us) and now his mom and dad are mad that we "left" them out. We didn't leave them out. They are more than welcome to come. They are saying they just dont have money for it. Which when we were making these plans I specifically asked my fiancee to think about it and make sure he was okay that if they werent able to come he was going to be okay with it and he said that he was okay with it and he loved the idea. UGH Now since his parents are giving him crap, he's like well maybe we should just do justice of peace without the parents there and have celebrations with each family. I ONLY don't like the idea bc I want it to be special. THis is a big deal! Saying your vows (esp the first time) is the most important day of your life! I don't want it to be just another thing.

Omg...I'm so frustrated! He "just wants to make both families happy" I WISH he would just think about what WE want!!

What do I do?! If anything?!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:56 PM on Apr. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Have a celebration with his side when u get back or before u leave.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 12:00 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Do what you two want to do. It is your wedding. The only two people that have to be happy is you and your future DH. Good luck!
    firepony

    Answer by firepony at 12:03 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Its YOUR day hun! When we got married we didnt have any family (just my brother and his family, but not the rest of my 50 Aunts Uncles Cousins, my parents passed away) we had a few friends but not family. We were going to have a reception on our 1st anniversary. We didnt do it. I say talk to your hubby and see if he can have his mom compromise with you. I dont understand what the big deal is with your Dad marrying you. Maybe your SO can tell his Mom something like look if we are going to have both sets of parents then we will do it OUR way otherwise it will be the way YOU want it. Have him put his foot down. If his family isnt paying for the wedding they dont have a say so. Im sorry its so hard for you. good luck!
    Ambear72

    Answer by Ambear72 at 12:05 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I think you're right that you should do what the two of you want. It sounds like if you go to Va then you will be happy, if you do it in Texas then his family will be happy. I think it's more important that you be happy. It's sweet your fiance wants to please both families, but he may have to accept that it's just not possible, in which case you should do what the two of you prefer.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:19 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Ok...we had a huge celebration planned with a list of about 250 people...in a church, big reception, etc...2 weeks before the wedding, I sold my Vera Wang gown on Ebay, cancelled EVERYTHING, my mom got me a beautiful dress from Dillards and we took our family to the top of a mountain where we live and had a small gathering there with 2 violinists...it was perfect. 99% of the people on the list we aren't even in contact with today...it's a ton of money to feed a bunch of people. I don't regret what we did one bit. It's YOUR day and just remember that.
    calliesmommie

    Answer by calliesmommie at 12:20 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • That's exactly how I feel ladies! I just talked to him and now he wants two ceremonies. One in Va and one in Tx. We fought about where we are getting our marriage license and I put my foot down about it and said get over the fact that it's going to say Va I want my Dad's name on that license!!!! UGH. I think its just way more stressful to have two. I'm pregnant and this doesn't make things any better. It's frustrating because I know for a fact that if we were only having one ceremony in Va then they would try their damn hardest to come to Va for our wedding. I'm soo frustrated right now!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:28 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • And....doesn't it lose it's meaning when you have two???? That's how I feel. The first time we do it is more significant. He was like I want it to be equal ....I just don't see it happening.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:29 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I say, have it where YOU want it. If his family doesn't come, then that's on THEM. YOU shouldn't have to plan your wedding around what your future in-laws want. Hell, if we'd done that, we'd have never gotten married! My husband's family is from MI, and my family is from NJ (but my parents and us were living in NC)...Our wedding was in NC--we weren't going to plan around what everyone else wanted. I wanted to do it in NC because the church where we got married is where my parents renewed their vows. I didn't care if anyone else wanted it there. lol
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 2:43 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

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