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No relationship with FMIL

My fiance and I have financially supported his mother now for over a year and a half, and for me personally it has been a year of hell. It began smooth, and then with a blink of an eye she was calling me the B word, a h*e, sl*t, and every other nasty name you could think of. She called the police on my fiance and I twice, the last time telling the dispatcher I slashed her tires(I got a police report to verify it), and then kept telling my fiance that I was cheating on him. After this she told him that he was not the father of my child (a situation that had happened in his past) and that she wants nothing to do with my unborn child, she doesn't want to see it, nothing. I personally am fine with this, because I think she has issues. We are moving away before my son is born and are leaving herour old house to live in, because she refuses to find her own place to stay. I told my fiance once we move I never want to see her again, she has been so nasty to my family and I it is unbelievable. I told him he could have any type of relationship with her I will not interfere but I don't want her at our house or around my kids he can go visit whenever he feels. He said he understood and didn't care it was my choiceand that he wants nothing to do with her becauses she treats him badly as well, but I just feel like even though he says he isn't going to do certain things, he is going to back out and do otherwise because he has in the past, hence why she is even living with us in the first place. I don't know how to show him I'm firm about my decision so he takes me seriously because this is a deal breaker for me. I refuse to be miserable and disrespected for the rest of my life by this woman. I have never called her any names, or disrespected her in any way, he takes up for me but she still feels she has a right to speak to and treat us this way. He gives her ultimatums but never follows through. I know that once my son is born she is going to do something to try to wedge herself back in. Any advice?

We're in our late 20's and she's in her 50's working full-time, yet incapable of living on her own or providing for herself.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:05 AM on Apr. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I think you should stand firm in your decision that he can see her if he chooses but you and the baby will not be seeing her once you move out. If she ever changes then you can revisit your choice, but until that happens you and your fiance need to be on the same page as far as what you are willing to accept. Considering the last year I think your fiance needs to respect that you have a right to feel the way you do about his mother and to not want to put yourself or your baby in that situation. If he can't cut ties with her completely that is understandable, as horrible as she may be she is still his only mother, but it isn't fair for him to inflict her upon you. Good luck.

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:16 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Why are you letting her live in your old house if she is doing this? I could never do that and she doesn't deserve it. Tell him that once the baby is born that if she gives you any crap you will see about getting a restraining order. Maybe that will let him know you are serious. Sorry you are going thru this.

    Answer by clumm at 12:18 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • i say give him an ultimatum for your own piece of mind he will have to decide if mom is worth losing his family over

    Answer by nikihamm at 12:24 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • RUN

    I have a DH that caters to MIL all the time and IT SUCKS!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • My MIL is awful. She gambles away at least 700 a month, and my FIL is on disability and almost blind and she never helps him with anything. She has called me all sorts of names and threatened us. The only thing you can do is stand firm to your decisions, and let your husband know that if she continues to interfere in your relationship then he may lose you. You could always call the police on her for verbal abuse or just have her evicted by the police. I feel your pain though, I've been there.

    Answer by mamabaier at 1:31 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Stay away from her and keep her away from your child. Your husband might want to see her, but you don't have to.

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:41 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

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