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3 Bumps

Ugh relationship help....please?

So here is my situation... I am 23 years old with a ds who will be 3 years this year. I am currently with my boyfriend of 6 years. Well I got laid off when my son was about 6 months old and became a stay at home mom. I have been collecting unemployment that is only about $40 a week and just ran out so will not only be $20 a week. My BF currently is going to school full time to become a vet technician and will graduate in may of 2012. He also works part time at his medical records job that he has had since he was 17 years old. He only makes 12 dollars an hour and works 4 hours a day max so approx 20 hrs a week max. We have super cheap rent for the house we are in because its one of my bf's grandmas houses that is paid off so we only pay $400 a month plus utilities. We are very lucky dont get me wrong but I cant even afford to go back to school right now until he is finished. The problem is, He yells at me all the time and complains about the house. He says I dont have any responsibilities or anything to worry about so I should do more work in the house. Now I admit sometimes I fall behind on housework but I try. I am the one that always does the dishes, laundry, vaccuming, cleaning, taking the trash out, and everything around the house. On top of it all I really focus on my son and play with him, teach him new things and currently trying to potty train him. My BF will just leave dishes around, soda cans and trash around, laundry on the floor everywhere, I mean he doesnt do anything! I am grateful for him because he works and goes to school to try and provide for our family but I mean I have alittle side business that brings around $200-300 a month sometimes(its not like steady income) but I try. I give him space to study and I just feel so overwhelmed. He yells because he has no clean shirts and I just did laundry but he lays his clothes in different places so I cant find all of them. I am getting pissed off but wondering if I am over reacting? I dont know what to do. I dont expect him to clean too with his busy schedule but just help by putting his clothes in the hamper instead of the floor and maybe rinsing his dishes he uses at least and throwing his trash away, it would help so much and when I try and talk to him about it, he just gets super mad and yells at me. ugghhh anyone else in this situation?

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djanowski775

Asked by djanowski775 at 12:15 AM on Apr. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (302 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • No you are NOT overreacting...sometimes men have this idea in their head that just b/c they work outside of the house, then they need to be able to relax and not do a damn thing when they come home...good for him for working, but let him have YOUR job for one week and see if his attitude doesn't change. My DH works a LOT. I went back to work part time after a while and after a couple weeks of it, my DH was begging me to quit and stay home. He realizes that all the housework WON"T Get done everyday and he accepts that. Raising your child is the most important job of all....so yes, I was in that situation, but it changed. He just needs to somehow realize what you deal with also. Good luck.
    calliesmommie

    Answer by calliesmommie at 12:18 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • asking him to pick up and not be a slob is not too much to ask.He is busyand probably stressed but taking care of a child is work and the entire house...I know I have 3 and work Ft and mine still bitches! WHen I stayed home it was wosre...me personally I am saving to leave....iam done and tired of notbeing appreciated.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • how long have you been together? I'm not so sure I would continue to put up with this if you are keeping the home taken care of then he really does need to chill!
    nikihamm

    Answer by nikihamm at 12:19 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Your priority is the child's well-being and care, if he wants clean shirts he can taken them to the cleaners. Ask him, what would he do by himself. do not put up with yelling.
    sweet11-12

    Answer by sweet11-12 at 12:28 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I used to be in a similar situation. My husband gave me the blessing to stay home with the twins; however, he used to throw the "I work and you don't" in my face anytime I asked him for help like making the bottles while I change the boys or something stupid. I finally told him that I really did appreciate him supporting us, but that was the only thing he was doing, he wasnt making me happy. and I refuse to be in a relationship if I am absolutely miserable beyond repair
    My2boys0523

    Answer by My2boys0523 at 12:35 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I'm gonna tell you I know of alot of people who break up for these same reasons you have to understand i realize that your busy but he is too and i'd bet in the beginning of your relationship you started doing things for him now i'm not saying it's right but you are a stay home mom and your child deserves to be raised in a clean home make cleaning more of a priority and you'll feel better your bf will too and your child will be in a better emotional as well as clean home.
    traren

    Answer by traren at 1:03 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I agree about a clean home and I keep it as clean as I can. I mean Its hard when someone else keeps making a mess and expects me to clean up after him! Its not like my house is a disaster or anything I mean things are put away and yes there is laundry in the hamper but come one I mean I know he works and stuff but I basically have a part time job, dealing with our 2 soon to be 3 year old and everything in the house..ALSO since we cant afford everything I am the one who goes up to the welfare office every 6 months to reapply for food stamps AND medical for us. I mean if it wasnt for me we would be even more broke with no food, I go to food banks and shop at thrift stores and get things we need at the store like personal items with MY money that I make. I mean I really do feel like I am do alot.
    djanowski775

    Comment by djanowski775 (original poster) at 1:23 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • My 10 yr old and 7 yr old know the rule in my house - if it's not in the hamper when I do laundry, it's not getting washed. Period. No ifs, ands or buts about it. And if my 33 yr old boyfriend couldn't follow that simple rule and then got pissed at me for not doing his laundry, I would point out to him that a 7 yr old knows the rule, so what is the problem here that he doesn't?

    As for keeping the house clean, I know my boyfriend is nitpicky. My house is definitely not dirty. It's cluttered, sure. And sometimes the dust might build up a bit more than I'd like, but it's not bad. He will upset and claim the house is dirty and no one cleans if he sees one tiny little scrap of paper on the floor. I finally told him that the house is clean enough to make everyone else happy, if he wants more, he can do the above and beyond himself.

    As for his dirty dishes, start telling him every time to go put them in the kitchen.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:59 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Awwww I feel for you. I am a SAHM and I clean up everything but I yell at my husband if he doesn't put his clothes in the hamper or at least on the floor next to the hamper. As for dishes he does them after I cook dinner. I do the bulk of them but we always had a thing that if you cook the other person cleans. I try to keep a clean house but yes sometimes it does get messy and I think he gets pissed too but at the same time I like to play with my daughter. Just tell him to put the dishes in the sink when he's done and clothes in the hamper. Those two things are not hard to do. Men sometimes think that because you stay home that you can do it all.
    Mom1127-0125

    Answer by Mom1127-0125 at 8:56 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • If I were in your situation. I'd suck it up and clean the house. All of it.  If you started doing the work, you'll have a leg to stand on when you want him to help out
    adnilm

    Answer by adnilm at 10:11 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

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