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2 Bumps

Okay ladies, I really need some advice on this one.

So my fiancee and I of 2 years just called it quits. Neither of us did anything wrong, we just mutually decided that our hearts weren't in it anymore. The problem is that this is the only father figure that my daughter has any memories of and calls him daddy. He lives in South Africa so there is no way she will be able to continue to see him. She tells me constantly that she misses him and it's going to break my heart to have to tell her that that's not daddy anymore. She's only 3 so I know she'll forget in time but not anytime soon. She can remember things from a year ago that I forgot all together. How can I explain to her that she's not going to see him anymore and that she needs to stop calling him daddy?

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TiffanieK

Asked by TiffanieK at 7:09 AM on Apr. 26, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,325 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Oh gosh, what a toughie. Is he still interested in seeing her? Maybe he couls send her pictures or even Skype. If you parted ways amicably that wouldn't be a problem, would it? As for calling him daddy... I got nothin. I wish your LO the best though. She will be confused for awhile
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 7:13 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Wow! I'm sorry, Hun. That really is terrible. Has your daughter ever met him before since he lives in South Africa ? When the only guy besides my SO now & my son's dad that I introduced to my son & we were pretty serious broke up bc I called it quits - I told my son that he moved and we won't be seeing him anymore. My son was 3 as well when this happened & he was pretty close to him. We'd all hang out all the time. He'd do things w him like go fishing, etc. My son looked forward to him coming by to hang out, so I know exactly how you feel. It won't be easy. Good Luck, Hun.
    loudnproud87

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 7:18 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Yes she's met him. We spent time with him while he was in the U.S. and from August to November, we were living with him in South Africa. I'm so heart broken about telling her this.
    TiffanieK

    Comment by TiffanieK (original poster) at 7:22 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • If you really want her to forget, now is the time. Most kids really only remember stuff like this at about age 5. Just tell her he had to go away and you know she misses him but it's ok. Maybe get her a pet to distract her from the affection she was getting from him. Sorry I'm not much help on this one.

    darter

    Answer by darter at 7:23 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I wouldn't tell her to stop calling him Daddy, that's who he is to her right now. I'd ask him to still communicate with her for awhile, hopefully he won't completely cut himself out of her life all at once, he should be gradualabout it.  Kids do remember things at this age, especially if it's traumatic so I think the gradual approach is better.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 7:34 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Over time she will be okay. Let her continue to refer to him as daddy. Without going into detail I would just tell her that we won't be seeing him again.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 9:57 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I know how you feel. When my dh and I considered divorce once I was terrified at what my ds would think since I knew that dh would still be coming around to get ds #2 (his bio child) once arrangements were made. I didnt know how I was supposed to explain that you cant go with the only daddy youve ever known but brother can. How do you explain that to a baby? Luckily we worked it out but I feel for your problem. The best I can tell you since she wont be seeing him anymore is that daddy had to go home and we have decided that he will stay there and we will be here. Daddy loves you but it wasnt meant for mommy and daddy to marry. I wouldnt worry about the calling him daddy part yet and when you meet someone new you can decide together whether this new man will be daddy or if she wants to wait a while on that.
    alligurl186

    Answer by alligurl186 at 12:57 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

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