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2 Bumps

Do I have to tell my children's father?

I just went through a horrible divorce ( and I can honestly say it is all his fault) ....

We have 3 kids ages 12, 10 and 7 ... I have main custody - they go to his house every other weekend and every wednesday after school . Next week he gets them from Sunday until Friday .... I have been stressed out from all of this so I decided to go away for a couple of those days ( I have a friend who has a house on the beach a state away) ... At first I wouldnt leave state without my children, but I dont think i would get another offer like this and I know my mom is here in case my kids need something ( they are very close to her too ) ... i would only be gone 3 days ( I will be back on the 4th day) ....

Do i have to tell him that I am going ? I am asking this because of the way he is he will automatically assume ( and say ) that I am going there to be with another man ( not true) , and constantly call and text to make sure he ruins my time. .. When i take the kids over I plan on just saying I am going to keep myself busy ( i dont want to tell my kids I am going either since that would put them in a position of keeping a "secret" from their dad) ....

Is it really horrible that I dont want to tell him? I mean do i have to ? If there was an emergency or something I am technically only 4 hours away ...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:00 AM on Apr. 26, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (23)
  • I know exactly how you feel! I hate it! even divorced he is still totally jealous and controlling! It doesn't concern the kids so he doesn't have to know! if they are taken care of and safe that is all that matters to him.

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 9:03 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • As long as he has a contact phone number for you in case of emergency, I don't see how what you do with your time is any of his business.

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 9:05 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • No, you owe him nothing. You're confident your mother is available if need be and I assume your kids have her number. I would go, try to relax and have a great time!

    Answer by yesmaam at 9:06 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • You definitely don't have to. It's none of his business. Just as long as you're accessible by phone as always, there's no need to tell your ex or your children where you're going. Take this time to be YOU. Not an ex-wife, not a mom, just you.

    Answer by SleepyCupcake at 9:07 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Only 4 hours away is fine and you will have your cell. I wouldnt tell him!! Go, relax and have fun!!!

    Answer by ria7 at 9:08 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I agreee it is not his business. What you could do is say " I will be busy this weekend, so if anything comes up call my mom" That way in case of emergency she is close enough to get to the kids and she can also call you and let you know what is going on.... and you won't have to worry about ex calling constantly (about nothing) to try to ruin your weekend.

    Answer by MizLee at 9:12 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I would tell him in case there is an emergency but then, I don't have a jerky ex so...yeah.

    Answer by Octobersmom at 9:22 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • if your mother knows and she is there then i wouldn't tell him. He lost the priveledge of knowing your whereabouts when you divorced. Go and have a relaxing time and try not to think about what he thinks.

    Answer by amberpaiz at 9:23 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • You are not required to tell him anything about your personal plans. You've made plans for your kids in case of an emergency and that's all you have to do. Have a great relaxing time, enjoy yourself.


    Answer by meooma at 9:48 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • the best thing imo is stating to him to use your mother first as an emergency contact because you will be out of town for some errands and other personal reasons for most of the time the kids are with their dad. tell him only in emergencies to call your phone or you will phone him due to hectic schedule. its the truth but omitting enough where its still none of his business.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 9:54 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

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