Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

5 Bumps

Should I file for custody?

I left an abusive relationship with my children's father about a year and a half ago...We had originally decided to keep this all out of the courts,the kids live exclusively with me but he was always great with the boys and with his daughters from a previous relationship so I wasnt concered about the safety of the kids in his care for visits and what not. But lately he has been doing things to prove he is untrustworthy. He will cancel visitations in the middle of the night before he is supposed to pick them up, he threatens not to give them back until he's ready, implies that I am not taking care of them, isnt with them when I call and he has them for visits, and recently he claimed them on his taxes even though he doesnt pay anychild support and they live with me...So I'm beginning to feel like its best to file for custody and work out set visitations...We live in different states, and I am still trying to get on my feet after the split (I was a stay at home mom so I didnt have any money saved or job to transfer) I have been lucky enough to have wonderful support of my best friend and her family but I am definately still struggling to get ahead...I am worried that he will use my situation to try to get full custody of the boys if I try to file...What can I do to be sure that my abusive and irresponcible ex doesn't take my babies away from me? NO BASHING PLEASE, I'm having a difficult enough time deciding the proper course to take :/

Answer Question

Asked by sbenbenek at 10:41 AM on Apr. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,256 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • sounds like you should file for custody.. just to be on the safe side.. he can no longer threaten to not bring them back after the courts decide because it would then be kidnapping and might cost him any visitation he has. sorry you have to go through this

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 10:43 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I would file for custody!

    Answer by L0vingMy3Girls at 10:46 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I think you should contact legal aid, and file a court order,, sounds like you need to protect yourself and your kiddos, I think they will grant you custody, hopefully there is some record of abuse, police report or something,, good luck momma!

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:47 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Yes, file.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:47 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • You should definitely go through the courts. As an example - If he were to take the children & not give them back, the police couldn't do anything about it because you don't have a judge's orders that they belong with you. I wouldn't take any threats involving your children lightly.

    Answer by SleepyCupcake at 10:47 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • i would its better

    Answer by rhonda111787 at 10:48 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • i would file for custody as well. i don't think the judge is going to look down on you b/c you are picking yourself back up he is gonna look at whats best for the children and most times it's with the mother. Keep your head up and don't let him bully you which is what it sounds like he is trying to do. Stay strong momma!!

    Answer by amberpaiz at 10:49 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • File now and keep record of everything that has gone on and how you let him see the kids and never withheld them it will all help.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:49 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I think you should file. In my case, the Judge just basically gave us the same custody/visitation we had been following before we went to court out of concern for the kids to keep things consistent. I also think you should file for child support to help you establish yourself - you shouldn't have to shoulder the entire financial burden for your kids!

    Answer by missanc at 10:50 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Thanks ladies, I do plan on going to the court tomorrow...My biggest concern was my financial situation...He has more to 'show' on that end of things, but yes there are some records of the abuse, unfortunately not nearly as many as there were situations...but he was arrested twice, he also lost his license for 2 DUI's while I was pregnant with my oldest and went to jail for driving with a suspended license while I was pregnant with my second. He has proved his irresponcibility time and time again...I just dont know what the courts 'see' as unfit. I have no experience in this situation and I don't want to make things worse.

    Comment by sbenbenek (original poster) at 10:52 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.