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What should I say?

I have finally broken up with my boyfriend of 4 years. It wasn't working for a while and I just felt like it was time to end it. I feel really down and I just want to sit around watching netflix and not do anything for a while. My friends are trying to take me out to clubs and bars on the weekend and I really am not into it. They said that it's not healthy to just lay around like I have but I just want time to mourn the loss of the realtionship. Am I wrong to want down time and not troll the club and bar scene for a rebound?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Apr. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I don't think your doing anything wrong. You need time to mourn the loss, regardless of if it was by choice, it was still a sad and painful thing. Your frieds just don't want you to stay down and not be able to get yourself back up. I know for me, after a long relationship, I stuck to myself and it took me some time to get out and go to clubs and such again. I think give your heart some time to heal, but don't forget about the happy fun things in life. Mourn but don't let yourself die inside if that makes sense.
    vjquinlan

    Answer by vjquinlan at 11:25 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Four years was a long time, of course you need your time to heal. They should understand. Bars and clubs, to me, are not the place to meet any quality people. When you are ready, you can get back out there and meet some new, interesting people. Just dont shut yourself in too long. And enjoy being single! You can focus on yourself 100% now!!
    AngieBry

    Answer by AngieBry at 11:28 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • hugsno i think you are fine with mourning the relationship. just don't let it consume you. Your friends have the right idea just bad timing you are not ready to put yourself out there just yet. Maybe just some company now and then to help you along. i'm sorry for your loss.

    amberpaiz

    Answer by amberpaiz at 11:29 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • You are fine, do what you need to do . Friends try to be helpful but there is no point in taking their advice just to oblige them when it goes against your better judgement .
    janet116

    Answer by janet116 at 11:29 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I think it would be good for you to hang out with people who care about you. Instead of going to clubs or bars, suggest going out to eat, invite people over to play a board game, have a cookout, etc.

    Laughter is good medicine.
    Simplicity3

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 11:32 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • its not wrong to do what YOU need to do to get yourself feeling better! Just explain to your friends that you need to take a little bit of time, maybe plan a girls night in...tell them that its not that you dont appreciate their help, but you arent ready to be out living up the 'single life'. I'm sure that they are just concerned about your mental health, so try to keep their mind at ease by showing them that you will be ok :) good luck with everything, I hope you're feeling 100% soon. <3
    sbenbenek

    Answer by sbenbenek at 11:32 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • You are doing the right thing by taking time to mourn the loss of your longterm relationship. You'll be out and about soon but do only when you feel ready.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 11:34 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Reassure your friends/family that you aren't sinking into a depression, you just feel the need for some "you time". They should understand that it takes awhile to adjust yourself to being alone again after so long. While you don't need to go clubbing, maybe suggest lunch out with your friends or take a walk just to get yourself out of the house. Fresh air, sunshine and smiles will help make you feel better! XoXo
    Kari727

    Answer by Kari727 at 11:44 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I say if they really want to offer you some comfort and support they should bring over some take out, a bottle of wine, and a good chick flick and sit around your living room with you commiserating. Or take you out for a spa day, get a massage and your nails done and have a nice lunch. I do think time with friends can help distract you from mourning and give you someone to talk things through with, but I don't see much of that happening at bars and clubs.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:31 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Go with your feelings and go with your friends.

    Its ok to morn but getting in a rut sucks. Let them cheer you up. If you aren't up for a club hit a movie or dinner out or just have them over and chat.
    MyMyOhMy

    Answer by MyMyOhMy at 12:29 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

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