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5 Bumps

Typicall 3 year old or is he out of controll?

my 3 year old son just plain out doesn't listen to me and could care less if he got hurt or not. I have done' time outs, early bed times, taken toys away, reward system for good and positive behavior, i have spanked him, slapped his mouth when bad words come out of his mouth, slap his hand if he is going to touch something that he knows will hurt him or break. He just keeps doing it.
Like here are some examples.
One day i told him to stay next to me while i get his 7month old brother out of the cart to put him in the van. I kept my eye on my 3 year old as he was saying i am going to run mommy. I said no ur not and as i proceeded to grab him and put him in the cart, he ran away and almost got hit by a semi truck. I then got him, told him u could of gotten hit by that truck, and i got home with my sons, put my 3 year old and time out and took his new toy away. All day long he kept asking for it, and i said no, so he got more mad at me and said i hate u, u are mean mommy, and proceed to throw a car at my head. I then put him in time out and shut the toys down with a gate and turned off his TV. After time out he apologizes to me, but still manages to knock down the gate, turn the TV on. I told him i said u can't not watch or play with your toys because of ur bad behavior. He gets mad kicks me, and slaps me. That is just in one day.
He has jumped on his 7month old brothers back, called him a retard (which he is not mentally challenged). I have spanked him for jumping on his 7month old brothers back, and sat him in time out for 3mins. He just keeps doing it. I don't give him any attention either when he is doing it.
Last example there is construction on our road they are replacing water and sewer manes and sidewalks and the road. Well by the new shut off valve there is a deep hole next to it. He insists that he needs to get a look. I told him numerous times to get away from there so he doesn't fall through. As i go get him, he runs away from it. I go back to what i am doing playing with my 7month old outside, he goes back and gets closer. I finally get a hold of him, and i take him inside and leave him in a pack and play while i tell him when he is ready to listen outside he may come back. After 3mins of letting him in the pack and play he says he is ready to listen to me. I believe him but no sooner he goes back to square one.
I am afraid he will get kicked out of his preschool this year because of his behavior or i will be constantly getting bad reports or phone calls.
He is very spoiled, my mom gives into him when he has temper tantrums, but she is gotten a lot better and when my son spits at me she jumps to it and says to him u be nice to mommy or grandma will spank. She has spanked him. My mother in Law thinks he is just mr perfect, and lets him get away with spitting at me or his dad, but yet she can't watch him or his brother for an hr for me. My husband says i am to hard on him.
When should i buckle down on him, and is this a typical 3 year old or is he out of control.
May i add i give him a lot more positive attention. i read to him, play games with him, watch movies with him, play ball with him, while his father is at work doing his job, but when daddy comes home just goes on the computer 0r game and just ignore him.

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Asked by at 11:36 AM on Apr. 26, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 16 (2,515 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • Wow mom -- My 3.10 year-old DD does not do those things. She will occassionally say I am mean or something, but hit, slap and/or kick me?? NO! And a lot of those things are really dangerous! I would break it down, issue by issue, for example -- Calling his brother a "retard" -- we recently had an instance where my DD called another child a "poopy-head" -- She thought it was funny until I explained to her how it made the other child feel -- I then asked her if it would still be funny if someone called her those names. She thought not and then started crying because she had been mean. I always flip things on her and ask her how it would make her feel and that usually works for me. Sorry I cant be more help -- G'luck to you! Honestly though, I am not a big believer in spankings, but some of those things calls for one!

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 1:17 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Spend some time reading up on developmental stages to better understand this age! I like "Your Baby and Child from birth to age five" by Penelope Leach! Children at this age are in the moment, they do what works to get attention, positive or negative, a new baby is a huge change for him, your attention is split and his is doing what he knows to get your attention back. Consequences after the fact will not have much impact on him, just create more negative behaviors. Take some deep breaths before your next interaction with him. Be clear about your expectations ("when we go the store, I need you to stay this close to me, you can stay this close or you can ride in the basket"). Hitting or slapping him will only model to him that this is how to deal with frustration. It will not help him to make better choices or express his feelings more effectively! Think about talking to a counselor to get some support for yourself!

    Answer by thrivingmama at 2:33 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • My son would be the same completely undisciplined but he luckily has responded to time outs, toys, threats, positive rewards and so on. My child is no angel and he displays alot of the behavior to some extent that you are experiencing. Your son does sound a little out of control and it sounds like its not because you don't care or are inattentive. It sounds like you are doing everything you can, and finding your groove to keep a crazy 3 year old in check is not easy. It sounds like your a great mom with a great kid and you just need helping finding that "aha" moment where he realizes that indeed you are the boss. I think for your own sanity you need to call in some professional help and perhaps get what thrivingmama had suggested to try. If its not controlled now it may get worse later. It doesn't sound like your child is too far off from the norm but what is disturbing today is going to be a serious issue by 5.

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 9:44 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

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