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3 Bumps

Am i really as evil as they make me out to be? or do you think they're being overly-dramatic about it too?

well, when i moved in with my husband it was june 2006. i moved about 2 1/2 or 3 hours from my family where i lived my whole life so we could live with my husband, close to his job. when i left i sat down with my family and we decided who would get what holiday so that we would know what was what and it would be the same every year. i chose thanksgiving bc it is close to my birthday. my sister got christmas and my dad/stepmom got easter. when thanksgiving rolled around my husband's family was upset that i invited my family for thanksgiving and not them. they don't even celebrate thanksgiving bc they are not from this country originally. thanksgiving is a big deal in my family and they are upset that i will not invite them. the reason i won't invite them is bc my husband is usually working the day before and gets off the morning of. so i have to cook all the food and decorate/clean the house and take care of the kids on my own. it's already stressful enough doing this for 25 people, but now he has invited them to this thanksgiving (behind my back!!!!!!!!!!) and now i have to do all this for 45 people!! i am stressed out already and it's only april. his sister has also been crying over the fact that i do not want to be friends with her. i treat her cordially and that is all i feel i should have to do. i don't feel obligated to be her friend just because i am married to her brother. she has a very difficult personality and i don't feel as if i should have to deal with it on a voluntary basis. ugh, enough. what do you think? is it selfish of me to just invite over my family? do i have to be friendly with my sil? i am not rude to her, but she is upset i don't call her to 'chat' or things like that. i simply don't like her, but out of respect for my husband i treat her cordially.

 
princessbeth79

Asked by princessbeth79 at 11:47 AM on Apr. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 28 (35,371 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • I've got an idea...

    Instead of having 45 house guests at one event, maybe see if his family would be willing to create a holiday mid-summer, so everyone from that side could get together, and so you aren't stuck with so many people to deal with by yourself.

    It doesn't have to be any special day, except to you all.
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 2:42 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I guess reading this, it does seem like you are putting your family first and clearly he does want his family involved, maybe you could ask you SIL to help with the prep work and clean up etc for the dinner? you dont' have to be Best friends with her but you should be able to be civil for your husbands and families sake.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:52 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • it seems like you laid down the plan before you left so the unclarity is their fault not yours. And when it comes to the sil i wouldn't say that you have to be best buds with her but an occasional chat might make it a little easier on the family situation. And if she wants you to talk to her so badly then maybe you should recruit her to help with the 45 people thanksgiving!!
    amberpaiz

    Answer by amberpaiz at 11:52 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Well..I don't think your EVIL,lol. But I have to say for ME...I always invite both sides of our families for holidays like that.Yep its a lot of people.Yep Its a lot of work,lol. But I do it..but I'm the kind of person that really enjoys entertaining...I love having everyone over. I enjoy being close with my dh's family.
    I have an idea..why don't you ask his sister if she'd like to come over and help you that day..that way you can spend some quality time with her that she wants and you get some help so its not all on just your shoulders. It would probabaly mean a lot to your husband if you put in a good effort to love his family...I know its means a lot to me that my dh makes my family part of his and vice versa.Do it for him ..do it for your kids. Good Luck hunny..I know its not always easy when it comes to in laws...
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 11:54 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Well it's 7 months away ask your husband to take the day before off that way he can help. If he invited his entire family adding 20 more people to your dinner than he should be there to help you. Tell his family that each person will need to bring a dish that way you only have to cook the turkey and some side dishes. That's what I do. I usually only cook the turkey, rolls, and gravy. I make everyone else bring stuff. Just a thought.
    Mom1127-0125

    Answer by Mom1127-0125 at 11:59 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • IMO family is family no matter what, so they all should be able to come. As for the SIL, no I don't think you should have to be friends with her just because she wants to.. That's just silly. I do understand that you will have a house full, but couldn't you ask them all to bring a dish? My Mom used to do that and it helped so much. It can be all the sides and desserts, and you provide the main dish.. Just a thought.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:52 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Family drama, isn't it fun? With that many people, it should be divided up and do it on two different days. Is his family close? Let one of them host the dinner at your place on Thanksgiving weekend.

    As for your SIL, no you do not have to be friends. If you don't like her, you don't like her. Just treat her politely when around her and leave it at that. BUT I do have to ask ... have you tried to get to know to see if you could be friends?

    Good luck! I think you are going to need it, especially in November.
    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 11:54 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • but his family lives in the virgin islands and the sister in question lives in ny, so it's not like they are close by and can cook something and bring it. there is no way i would be able to spend time cooking with her without getting into an argument. she is much too overbearing and i do not deal well with her.
    princessbeth79

    Comment by princessbeth79 (original poster) at 11:56 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I would have both sides, but delegate help with the meal. People don't mind bringing things if you let them know what you need. People need to be accepted- even if they don't celebrate the particular holiday it is a great time for the relatives to be together. How would you feel if your child married someone and you weren't invited to things like this? Good luck and happy holidays !!
    As far as your sister-in-law, talk to your husband and ask his advice. He is the one in the middle.
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 11:56 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • When you marry usually you take on a bigger family. But if its something his family DOESNT USUALLY celebrate then Why all of a sudden is it such an issue for them now.??? and Usually..... a get together ( in ours anyways) we all make 1-3 dishes so that we make sure everyone has plenty of food. So down to the drinkings, rolls, Ice, plastic forks etc so that its not ALL on one person and we all pitch in for dishes and clean up down to sweeping and vaccuming.
    THE SIL..... If you dont click you dont click. do what you are doing but dont make yourself "fake". WHO says you gotta be BFF???? You can enjoy the family and not have to pretend to be all about them. Good luck
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 11:57 AM on Apr. 26, 2011

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