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3 Bumps

Can I just stop talking to a friend or do I have to tell her I don't want to be her friend?

I have a certain Internet friend I've been chatting with and talking to on the phone for over 10 years now, but I have come to the conclusion that she's really bad for me and I don't want to talk to her anymore. I could get into the details here, but let's say that she insults me constantly and is very condescending to me. She has psychiatric problems that are getting worse despite treatment, and she is one of those people who projects her own problems onto other people-- if she's too anxious to go out in public, she insists that I also must be the same and that I am in denial if I say otherwise, even though it isn't remotely true about me. (For goodness' sake, on top of all the church and school functions I go to, I go hang out at coffee shops to write and just talk to other people!)

Can I just stop taking her calls and answering her emails, or should I tell her straight up that I just don't want to be friends with her anymore? I've seen her plot rather nasty schemes against other people who have left her behind, like calling CPS on people for no reason other than to cause them problems, but when other people stop taking her phone calls (and she calls A LOT), she calls me and goes into a paranoid rant about what they must be plotting against her, even though nothing ever actually happens. Basically, I don't want to hurt her, but we've never met in real life, and she's already seeing a psychiatrist, so I don't know that I can do anything more for her anyway... but she scares me.

 
TooManyOwls

Asked by TooManyOwls at 1:07 PM on Apr. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (60 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • Maybe slowly start weaning yourself out of her internet life.Skip writing back a few emails to her.Sign off when she signs on.But don't do it all at once..do it in phases so she doesnt explode on you.She sounds like a true nut job...to plot schemes on people that doesnt' seem to want to be her friend anymore. Be careful.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 1:13 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • start weaning her out of your life. I wouldn't cut her out cold turkey, but start getting "busy".
    BeachyBabe

    Answer by BeachyBabe at 1:10 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I agree just gently start being to busy and wean her out as to not cause a huge scene. She is like to find someone to replace you if you do slowly
    Graciesmom528

    Answer by Graciesmom528 at 1:15 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I like what Kim said. Titrate her off of you. When she writes to tell you that you are distant, just reply, "I am taking some time to refocus on my introspection and emotional wellness, and to reprioritize my relationship with my family. Sending peace." It will be hard for her to twist that into something negative. She does sound scary.

    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 1:24 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Telling her would be a very mature thing to do, but she seems like a very vindictive person so I would definitely tread lightly. If she doesn't know where you live or any other personal info about you, I would change my number and block email from her. Or you could tell her your husband got a transfer to Borneo and your emails will be pretty intermittent from now on. Then you could quit talking all together.
    HollyBoBolly

    Answer by HollyBoBolly at 1:38 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I haven't read your entire post, but I would just stop talking to them. What are you going to say, "I don't like you anymore, you annoy me (or something else) so I am going to quit talking to you?" Nah.
    ItsJustMe1017

    Answer by ItsJustMe1017 at 1:08 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • THINK WELL FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND THE CONSECUESNCES. JUST SHHHHH...?
    GlitteribonMom

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 1:08 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • It might just be easier to tell her not to talk to you instead of chancing her getting super worried and trying to visit you.
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 1:08 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Be honest. If you really don't like her and you have no intentions of ever speaking to her again, than what's the worse that can happen if you tell her so? She'll call you names and never speak to you again? Sounds like she's already insulting you and the end result of her not speaking to her again would serve you well since you don't want to speak to her again. So tell her the truth.
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 1:15 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • ps....along with kimberlyinberea's idea of logging off.....yahoo and msn you can block or be seen as 'offline' even though you are online. I would just start setting yourself like that.
    BeachyBabe

    Answer by BeachyBabe at 1:16 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

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