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2 Bumps

We are trying to blend our family.

Oh am i ever having issues with my boyfriends kids. The boy is 15 and the girl is 13. The kids get away with murder with their mom. Their mom does everything for them and doesn't make them do anything. I'm not like that. I mean I will be nice every once in awhile but my kids know responsibility. When they come here they think they run the place. They also swear and are really mean to their mom. They don't swear around me but I'm sure they do when I'm not around. They are very mean to my kids. Make my kids do things for them cus they don't want to get up and do it themselves. I didn't know how to handle that for the longest time. But now I'm pissed and my kids are affected by me not getting after them. My ten year old daughter told me she feels invisible. His kids also call my son fat. Fed up! How do I get them to realize that this household is equal and you won't do what you want?

Answer Question
 
shannon979

Asked by shannon979 at 1:25 PM on Apr. 26, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 9 (364 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Other people's children have been known to ruin the best of relationships. Changing them at this age will be a full-time battle.
    BaileysMom476

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 1:26 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Well, I want to say that's just how teenagers are, but they are not all that way. You or your DH, however you discipline them, set down the ground rules, do they know what is "legal and illegal" at your house? I know it may sound dumb, but you cannot assume they know the rules at your house b/c clearly its okay to do those things at mom's house. Your poor kiddos though, I really think your DH needs to put them in their place and enforce consequences.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 1:28 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I wouldn't subject my kids to this,, do they visit every other weekend? If leaving the boyfriend is not an option, I would leave everytime they came,,,Baileys Mom is right, it is going to be hard to change them,, and no child should feel invisible,, take care of your KIDS, and let BF handle his own,, I also would not marry him until those houligans were out of the picture,, LOL!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 1:29 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I agree with the previous poster. My older kids are 8-13 when they met my current husband. Their personalities were already set and he knew coming in that I had raised them the way I wanted to, if he didnt agree he knew where the door was. He also knew he wasnt going to automatically get their respect or anything without earning it. They dont just say oh dads married we have to do things different now. No. They think so what if he got married? This is how we are and we dont care. They are kids.
    Talk to your dh and see if you can get him to talk to them, but changing them? Probably not gonna happen.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 1:31 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • STAND YOUR GROUND!!!! TAKE UP FOR YOUR HOME AND YOUR CHILDREN!!!!!
    these kids DON'T live there.. they are older and should have the concept of MANNERS. They can run like animals with their mom but your house hold has rules. NO MORE of your kids waiting on them hand a foot !! IF YOUR BF wants to cater to them... then fine, he can and clean up their messes too. Your children shouldnt be threatened by the older kids or fear them in their own home that these visitors come into. YOU are the ADULT... not them. They dont respect YOU or your home. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN.
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 1:46 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Thank you ladies. My intentions are to set them straight. If they don't like it I don't know what to tell them.
    shannon979

    Comment by shannon979 (original poster) at 2:50 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I was in a slightly similar situation with my last realtionship. His kids were much younger though so I imagine a little easier to handle. For us we had a rule board that we all decided on and what the consequences would be for infractions. It worked out for us but i dont really know how 2 teens would recieve it. Just make sure the rules are the same for everyone and use "we" statments instead of you statements like "We dont call people names in this house" or "We speak respectfully to All adults in this house"
    It may help. But I can say consistency is the key to all successful parenting. I believe you should all as a family talk to someone as well because the kids being mean to your kids could just be there way of acting out feelings they as teens cannot understand.
    (Not to go all child psychologist LOL) but just check into it, It couldnt hurt?
    SaturnsMom

    Answer by SaturnsMom at 5:30 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

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