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3 Bumps

I am having a hard time with Daycare -* for mom's who put their kids in daycare*

Its not an option for us both not to work and after many posts, that has to be said upfront.
We took our son from a daycare center because he hated it, begged not to go and actually mentally started shutting down. He has been in an in home daycare now since July.. he likes it and doesn't mind going there and he is now 3-1/2 but I don't get that sense of "love" from my provider.. I understand this is her job and she likes kids but.. I also think she is a bit unattached. I have many friends who's children can't WAIT to go to daycare or their providers ask for sleepovers or ask to keep them to play or do activities etc.. just REALLY love the kids they watch.. So. I am actively looking but every place around us has zero vacancies..and I've also searched in areas I'd even have to drive out of the way for.. he's 3-1/2 and I really want to find that "perfect" person to help care for him while I can't be there.. makes me so sad..Am I asking too much for us to want "perfect" during these years ( ok, mom and dad would be perfect but its not possible so I want the next best ) or should I just be happy that he is happy and safe?


Asked by maxsmom11807 at 1:36 PM on Apr. 26, 2011 in General Parenting

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This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • You are not asking for too much, and I'm glad that you are acting on your instincts. The good news is that he is safe so you shouldn't feel bad for sending him there now. But it sounds like he could get better care elsewhere so it's smart to keep looking for something better. It is obvious when kids love their caregivers, even if they can't verbalize it. You mentioned that other places don't have availability.. could you get on a wait list? If you can make the time, go observe a few other daycare centers to see how the kids interact with the teachers. Do they give them a hug when the teacher arrives? Does the teacher hold and cuddle kids who hurt their finger? Do they talk lovingly to the kids? Go in the morning when parents are dropping the kids off and talk to the parents in the parking lot for honest impressions. You can't ALWAYS give your kid the best of everything (and he's fine without it) - you just need to try.

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 8:57 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I completely know the feeling, its so hard trusting anyone! My son went to a place called Kindercare Learning Center for 3 years and loved it, and I loved the teachers! Not sure where you are or what your budget is though. What about even a daycare at a church? And wanting perfect is completely realistic, he's your baby :) Maybe talk to some of the other mommies where you work?

    Answer by yesmaam at 1:41 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Just keep searching and also be grateful he is safe. Pray about it.
    I gave it all up for my was worth more than money could buy. We learned to do with less material things and enjoy more loving family things.

    Answer by Momforhealth at 1:41 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I think that if he is happy and safe and he like sgoing there then I would leave it be. He is going to be in school soon and while I know it sounds like your friends have the best of everything I would not worry or be jealous of them. When my oldest was in day care he had a great woman whose family treated him like one of their own. They had 3 daughters, so my son was like the son they never had. It was a wonderful experience when my son was a baby. When he got older and I had a second child we switched daycares for various reasons. The second day care was a home daycare, my boys loved it there, although the provider never asked for playdates or sleepovers. Also does your provider have kids of her own the same age as your child. If not that may make a difference and she might also think 3 1/2 is 2 young for sleepover. YOu can keep looking although who is to say that your son will love a different place. GL


    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 1:50 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Well at least he likes to go,,I would honestly put an ad on Craigs list that goes something like this-
    Worried mommy in search of a great in home daycare, near (wherever you live) Do you have a daycare that you and your child absolutely love? Please call me with the info..hopefull other mothers will read it, and perhaps you can find someone that way, also if you have found a place you like better that has no openings, ask them to put you on a waiting list. I don't know where you live, but until my son started kindergarten,, i had no idea that many school districts offer programs for pre-schooler! I wish I would have known about them. You might also visit a pre-school, many of the mothers who take their kiddos to them might watch your son until you get off work, my ds went to pre-school 3 days a week, and one of the kiddos mothers watched him from 12-6 on those 3 days for $75,, I know how frustrating it can be!

    Answer by kimigogo at 1:54 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

    Maybe you can get your local enforcement information through here. There are good centers out there, you may just have to do more legwork. Good luck!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Well financially we are about to only pay the max of $600 a month so that's about normal range for in home and a center is $2000 a month.. which we just can't do. I work at a steel company with all men except 2 women who don't have children but I do talk to the men who actually know about their current daycare situation and about the troubles of searching and finding the perfect one.. but that makes a total of 2 men out of 40.. sadly.. "I don't know, my wife took care of that" is what I mostly get..

    Comment by maxsmom11807 (original poster) at 1:45 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Just keep looking if you aren't happy. Atleast he is happy for now though. I know some people aren't comfortable with this but try Craig's list. I did that and found a wonderful woman for my twin girls. We are new to the area with no family and she even kept them overnight a few times with no charge. Hang in there Momma!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • If he is happy going there I'd not stress about looking for a new place. He may not like a CHANGE. Is your DCP kind to him? Does she provide a safe environment, and teach the kids things? My DD went to a home DCP, and the woman was very nice. My DD was safe there, and learned a lot while in her care. I never expected my DCP to LOVE my DD though. That's MY JOB. If my DCP ever asked for a sleepover or weekend visit, etc, I would say no anyway. My DD liked daycare a lot. I never needed her to be overly attached to her provider. Maybe I am like this for I worked daycare for 5 years while in college. I enjoyed my work, enjoyed the kids, and was great to all of them, but I didn't LOVE them, not like I love my own children.

    I just wanted to know my DD was happy and safe, which she was.


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:52 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Well, he's 3-1/2 and I can't quite tell what is "real" or stories.. He will make random comments about "DCP Yelled at me" so I will ask what she said and he will say "she told me to pay attention" needless to say, no big deal. I Tell him that too -and yes, he is in a preschool program in her care and he does .. ok... she's made comments to me that he doesn't hold his crayon correctly or that he has a hard time focusing.. Yes, I know that - we have already gone through ECI with him which she knew about before accepting him. I told her to tell me if he becomes "too much" but more often, she tells me how quiet he is or when I come to pick him up she will say, Wow, this was the most talkative he was all day- which would be VERY out of character for him so it makes me really wonder just how comfortable he is there..IDK.. right now, with no other options, He is close and at least I know he's safe but I guess I wish more for him...

    Comment by maxsmom11807 (original poster) at 4:56 PM on Apr. 26, 2011