Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How do I respectfully decline?

My MIL wants to take 2 weeks off of work after I have the baby to come and help me out around the house, she also wants to keep my 4 yr old daughter during the nights during this time....I'm not comfortable with either of these situations...MIL is extremely over-bearing and critical, I don't want her botting around my house poking into my drawers and closets and honestly I can't handle her that length of time....also I wouldnt be able to stand being away from my daughter (even during the night) for that length of time.

As some of you already know...I'm not her biggest fan but I've still always been extremely polite and respectful towards her (even when she doesnt show me any respect)

How can I decline her offer of help?


Asked by Lucky209 at 2:35 PM on Apr. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 28 (35,060 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • say "LOOK BISCUIT..I DONT NEED YOUR HELP" don't REALLY say that..
    I would tell your husband (her son) to tell her no thanks..tell him to tell her that this is bonding time for you guys and you all want some privacy.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 2:44 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • been there.

    is her son able to handle this for you? I generally try to avoid conflicts with my MIL.... my hubby handles her 90% of the time

    Answer by hibbingmom at 2:37 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I'm so sorry. I would just tell her that you would like to have this time to spend with your kids one on one while bonding with your new little one and that you can handle it yourself, that you appreciate her offer but it's important to you to be able to learn to raise two little ones instead of one now on your own. :)

    Answer by lore_tex at 2:38 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • OH - does she live close to you? Or would she be traveling in and having to stay with you?

    I ask because perhaps if she's close she could take your 4y/o to a tumbling class, library, etc?

    Also maybe invite her over NOW and have a big cooking day to fill the freezer.... flatter her saying "I don't really need that much help when the baby comes but I'd LOVE a few dozen of your amazing cookies and that cheesy pasta bake you're famous for!"

    Answer by hibbingmom at 2:40 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • thanks, we've already worked everything out. dd isn't a bother at night and we'll be fine....i'll give you a call if I need anything! lol

    Answer by BeachyBabe at 2:42 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I like the idea of asking for her help NOW....freezing meals or goodies. And the babymooning! yes!!! Just let her know you've done it once before you can do it again but if you need help you will call.

    Answer by brypmom at 2:44 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I would say that although you appreciate it, you already have it covered,, Can your mom/sister or anyone come to visit,,, I maybe would have DH say, well her ____ is coming for a couple of days, we will call you if we need anything,, she is going to cause way more stress than you need mamma!

    Answer by kimigogo at 2:38 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • yes... how about your hubby handling this~ ??? The less you are involved the better with this one! :)

    Answer by FingerPainter at 2:38 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Tell MIL that you are really looking forward to enjoying the "babymoon" of your new family, all by yourselves. Thank her very kindly for her offer, tell her you understand what a generous offer it is, but that you're saying "no" because you really want to have the enjoyment of learning the ropes of parenting this child all by yourself.

    Make it much more about you and less about her. That'll be the best way to do it. Just be firm and polite.

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 2:38 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Oh, man, that's really tough. It's so nice of her to offer but I totally know where you are coming from in that it would be too much. I would tell her something along the lines of, while you greatly appreciate her generous offer you just feel it would be too much to have her in your home all day, and that you would feel like you had to be a hostess rather than being able to relax and rest. Also tell her that having your daughter away for that many nights would be too much for you, and you don't want to spend what little time you have to sleep worrying if your dd is doing ok. It's such an adjustment to have a new baby at home, you want to be able to feel like you can give dd attention and not make her think she has been shipped off to Grandma's for all eternity. Maybe set it up with your MIL to take DD for some outings or one or two overnights, just not the whole 2 weeks. Good luck, you're in a tough spot- would DH talk to her?

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:40 PM on Apr. 26, 2011