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4 Bumps

Ok so how do i approach this?

a neighbor of mine has been real nasty for quite some time to me and just in the last few weeks i have decided to not try and be friends anymore. Since we have mutual friends i DO NOT say anything about her to them out of respect for not putting them in the middle. well just recently i started a book club and most of the people coming are the mutual friends and a few others. she has no interest in reading and i felt this would be a nice way to hang out with them w/o the hassle. Well she just accepted a friend request from a LONG time ago when i first moved here and i have a sneaky suspicion that she is trying to weasel her way into the book club. How can i nicely decline her presence w/o this slapping me in the face?

 

***Update***** just wanted to let people know that part of the reason we are not friends is b/c she is somehow threatened by me in thinking that i will take her friends away so i am nervous that if i deny her she will try and convince the other girls not to show up she has done this in the past. hence me not wanting to be friends with her.

 
amberpaiz

Asked by amberpaiz at 2:42 PM on Apr. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 24 (18,644 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Sounds complicated, it's very nice of you to not talk bad about her, and also not want to hurt her feelings but for me, honesty is the best policy, what i would do is go on about my business, if she ever asks you about the book club, just tell her she has crossed the line with you, you don't allow people to treat you like she has, therefore, it's best if she not join the club. Or if you want to avoid all that you could just talk to her now and tell her why you don't like what she has done? IDK but good luck! Those are my best ideas:)
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 2:50 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Tell her the book club is full, and that you limited the number of people so that discussions can be had in a small size group setting. Then tell her you'll put her on the waiting list.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:44 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Sounds like way too much drama...if you wanna delete her off facebook, do it..if her friends are that easily swayed, than I'd try to find a new group of friends. The first answer here looks like the most practical. Good luck!
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 4:54 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • i never even thought of that. that sounds like a great idea!!!
    amberpaiz

    Comment by amberpaiz (original poster) at 2:44 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Tell her that this club is for serious readers and would be of no interest for her, the club is strictly on topic. Maybe she will get it then?
    amazinggrace83

    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 2:45 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I would just delete her since she has ruined you even wanting to be friends. If she brings it up, just tell her the way you feel. That's really all you can do. She could take it like and adult or be dumb and start drama. Either way, you have to be honest.
    CollinsMommy729

    Answer by CollinsMommy729 at 2:46 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • see i thought about deleating her but was afraid that she would run to all the other girls and tell them that i did that and that would make me look bad and they wouldn't want to come to the book club. Most of them are extreme followers. Don't get me wrong they are nice but they have been easily swayed by her to not come to other things i have planned b/c she couldn't/wouldn't make it and she needs to be the center of attention at all times
    amberpaiz

    Comment by amberpaiz (original poster) at 2:49 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • thank you jackie for the ideas i will try that and hopefully it doesn't blow up in my face
    amberpaiz

    Comment by amberpaiz (original poster) at 2:57 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Honestly, I don't know that I would want to be friends with the other ladies if they are like that. I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone that would be pushed around so easily by someone like her, and not listen to the other party. It would get on my nerves to no end, and I'd want no part in it. I have enough in my life, I don't need that drama. So, maybe you should talk with the ladies, not talk trash about this other individual, but let them know what she is about. And that either they can be neutral about it, or take a hike. Some people simply cannot be friends with two people that don't get along. Which, is a tough situation honestly. But, she sounds like a troublemaker, and maybe they follow her just to keep the peace. In which case, either they all need to grow a pair, each their own pair, or you need to find other friends. Better friends. Real friends with backbones.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 3:30 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • yeah i am thinking that you hit the nail right on the head raine b/c they seem to follow along with whatever she says and does. i think alot of it has to do with two of them are connected with her either by building or yard and they don't want to cause trouble for themselves. So thats why alot of times i am left out of bbq's parties etc. I think that i need a new group of friends ones that will stick up for me as well and not just bow down b/c they are afraid of the other party. It just sucks b/c it was so convienant b/c they all live so close.
    amberpaiz

    Comment by amberpaiz (original poster) at 3:33 PM on Apr. 26, 2011