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Question about my boyfriend and partying.

So, for a long time I haven't let my boyfriend party etc without me at least there, because in the past he has done some really untrustworthy things. Weather I was there or not, he couldn't turn off the flirt, and worse... I wont go into detail. So I finally just told him that if he wanted to stay with me, I needed him to not go out partying without me, because I am not able to trust him. I told him if anything ever happened again, I would be outta here. Anyways, he has gone out once or twice without me supposedly nothing happened. Generally bad things will only happen when he is drunk stupid... He totally threw the excuse "Well baby I thought that she was you!" at me once. I just about freaked out. Anyways, he has been pretty cool about it since he knows how badly and often he screwed up. Well, I am 7 months pregnant. Our lives are about to change quite a bit, and going out after the baby is born is pretty much not going to happen. So, I want him to go out and have a good time before she gets here so he doesn't feel deprived and hate me for it later. But, right now his best friend is living the ultimate single guys life. He parties every night, hangs with strippers, goes out to find a way to get laid etc. I know that my man will be going out with him, and involved in all this "single guy" partying. I just feel like a bitch for not wanting him to go out, but I cannot get over this anxiety I feel just even thinking about it! I know him, and he has no idea how to stop drinking when he is at a comfortable drunk, and that's when bad things happen. I know this is a lame question and I probably sound crazy. But, how do I get over this fear and anger? I want to trust him...but every time I have given him my trust he has screwed up. It hasn't happened in a long time, because I have been there to stop it. Its not fair for him to never ever go out with the guys... and I want to trust him. I just don't really know what to do. Any suggestions?

 
Tarrar

Asked by Tarrar at 8:15 PM on Apr. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 22 (13,733 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Without trust there can be no relationship. You will never fully trust this boy. You will always worry about what he is doing if you aren't with him and watching his every move. He also sounds like he has a serious alcohol problem. Life with him will me miserable for you.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 8:20 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I'm sorry you have to deal with a manchild who acts like that. A serious question though: if he is that bad, why do you stay with him? Sounds like you've given him plenty of chances to knock the crap off and he's not mature enough to do so. Are you going to be able to spend the rest of your life with him, trying to babysit him when he goes out or drinks?
    Nanixh

    Answer by Nanixh at 8:20 PM on Apr. 26, 2011


  • If it was me I would tell him it's either live like a married man and father or live like a single man.He can't have it both ways.I don't understand why men feel the need for a night out with the boys when they don't think we ladies should have a night out with the girls.
    Tikismom

    Answer by Tikismom at 8:25 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • You have been trying to control him and keep his problems under wraps, and you will never be able to succeed at that. You can't trust him because he is not trustworthy. The only way he will ever change is if he makes the decision to be a different person that who he is now. Were it not for your baby, I would tell you to get out now, but I believe that you owe it to your child to try to make this thing work. So I would tell him that he has to get some help, and he has to get it soon. There are all kinds of places he can go to get the help he needs. You can offer to go with him and you can offer to help him in any way you can, but the bottom line is that this is something he has to do for himself and for his child. You can throw yourself in, too, if you think it will make him understand how serious you are about this. Tell him you are not going to be always having to worry about where he is or what he is doing.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:33 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Thats your first mistake. ( just saying) YOU already KNOW how he is when he is out w/the boys...... YOU ALREADY KNOW how he is when you are there to "stop" him. GIVING him the OK before the baby comes is just NUTS. You and your daughter WILL BE SITTING at home many nights to come waiting on him to come home from partying. HE IS NOT GOING TO all of a sudden STOP having HIS time just b/c the baby comes. ( that will be something to occupy your time). SEEN IT WAY TOO OFTEN. Once you have been betrayed,cheated on and lied to about this... there is no forgetting. It stays with you, the anger, the hurt..... if he truly was sorry... he wouldnt continue to party.
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 8:35 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Yeah, here's a suggestion: get him to A.A. (which is Alcoholics Anonymous).....good luck with your baby, ur gonna need it, sister!
    cfh72

    Answer by cfh72 at 9:52 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • just dump him or party yourself. do exactly what he's doing to you, then he'll see why it bothers you
    Liz4Life

    Answer by Liz4Life at 10:25 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Why do you think things will change with him once the baby comes? If he wants to go out and party he'll do just that. If he wants to continue flirting with other women, he will continue doing it a baby doesn't change a man unless he wants to change. From the sound of your post, you're the one putting down these demands on the man, all the while knowing that he's not bf material, let alone daddy material...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:57 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

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