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4 Bumps

S/O Religious Compromise...

Lots of ladies answered that they wouldn't marry someone who had a different belief system than they did, so they wouldn't ever have a need to compromise...

BUT, what if AFTER you became married, he changed religions, or you did? IF you wouldn't marry someone of a different faith, would you STAY married to someone who now had a different faith? And if you would, how would you be willing to compromise things like raising your children or holidays in an effort to keep peace?

Answer Question
 
SabrinaMBowen

Asked by SabrinaMBowen at 10:53 PM on Apr. 26, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 40 (122,988 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I was once a very committed Christian. After about two years of marriage to my husband I became a Buddhist. I had been leaning that way for years but finally made the decision. He has also made the conversion. And he was raised Catholic and then had become a Lutheran, Missouri Synod. We did it partly because of the unfair pressure in churches due to our formerly divorced status. A lot of Christians still judge if you have been divorced and then remarry. We also did it because we didn't buy into the virgin birth, the resurrection or hell. We do believe in God as a divine light and ourselves as part of that divine light. We live a moral life without the judgement of former church "friends."
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 10:59 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • That is a really tough question....I would stay married...as far as holidays go I think I would try to incorporate both religions holidays into our lives...say if he became Muslim and I stayed Christian we would celebrate both Christmas AND Ramadan....hopefully successfully...as far as what religion to raise our children....that would be harder...but I think I would allow them to be exposed to both and just secretly hope that they choose mine lol....Very good question
    Lucky209

    Answer by Lucky209 at 11:00 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Lucky that's very similar to what we do. We celebrate both sets of Holidays, but we do not raise them in either religion. Rather we expose them to many different faiths through stories and myths... This way when it comes time for them to choose, they will have a basic understanding of the myths each faith is based on, and in turn a decent understanding of what that faith is all about.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Comment by SabrinaMBowen (original poster) at 11:03 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • That's a really interesting question.

    If I came into my faith after my husband and I were already married, yes, I would definitely stay with him. Definitely.

    As far as compromises, I guess it would depend on what was being compromised on. Holidays I think would be easier in many ways than kids.

    I'll be interested to see what other moms say.
    KateDinVA

    Answer by KateDinVA at 11:04 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • No, I could not stay married to that person.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 11:08 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • Most of us marry for love and a change or difference in religious beliefs shouldn't compromise that in normal circumstances. The only reason I would consider leaving is is they took the difference of religion to the extreme and became a different person than I married. Otherwise it would not matter
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 11:15 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I think it would depend on the religion he changed to. If say, he became a devil worshiper or got into black magic or something like that, I would divorce. Other than that, I'd try to incorporate both religions into the holidays as best I could and I would be fair about exposing our children as much as possible to both as well, then let them make up their own minds.
    popzaroo

    Answer by popzaroo at 11:27 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I would compromise and be supportive if my husband suddenly changed his beliefs. Depending on how extreme of a change it was, I might be a little shocked if he changed in some drastic way, but I'd do my best to compromise and respect his views. That's what I signed up for. Now, of course, I can think of exceptions to this, if someone's views or practices are harmful to us or others IMO or someone suddenly had very bigoted, hateful views, then I don't think I would want to compromise and I'd speak up about it and possibly not stay around for it. Luckily, I don't think that would ever happen, but if my husband suddenly decided he wanted to practice a different philosophy/religion or saw God in some other way, I'd try to be understanding and respect our differences. I would like my DS to be respectful of differences as well, and would like him to be generally knowledgeable about all spiritual paths, philosophies, religions, etc.
    pam19

    Answer by pam19 at 11:30 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • As long as he remains able to respect my path and is willing to compromise in any areas that may need it (in regard to our son, etc), I would support him. We each have our own paths to walk, and while I enjoy that he and I have found ourselves in the same place, I wouldn't want to keep him following it if it takes him somewhere else. If you get what I mean, lol.
    bandgeek521

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 11:32 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I would not leave my husband if he changed religions. When I got married, I said 'til death do us part' and I meant it. I don't take my marriage vows lightly. I can not, in all honesty say, that I would be happy about it or that I would want our child suddenly raised in different religion. In fact (and I know this will get me some down votes *sigh*) I believe I would insist my child continue being raised Christian until such a time as he was old enough to give a well thought opinion on the subject.

    Holidays....I just don't know. This is a totally foreign concept and I can't really tell you how I would handle it without facing it. I do think it would be easier to embrace some religions/holidays more than others..like if my hubby converted to say Judaism. Christianity grows from Judaism so that would be easier for the family than if he converted to Paganism. (Nothing against Pagans, just saying it would be less of a change).
    asmcbride

    Answer by asmcbride at 11:34 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

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