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5 year old's tantrums....

My son's 5, & has gotten into these horrible screaming tantrums. He screams, crys, says 'i want daddy', whenever he doesn't get his way. I've tried talking to him, explaining the 'punishment', asking him what happens when he doesn't follow the rules, & he knows he gets a time-out for 5 minutes. But then he throws these fits, kicking & hitting, & most recently, spitting. His dad's an ass, & always tells me my son doesn't throw fits at dad's house. Last week I decided to start putting my son on 'restriction', where he's not allowed to play indoors or outdoors, but can only sit in a chair & do nothing or practice writing his alphabet (we're doing 2 letters at a time). I don't know what to do! I can't spank (which is my usual method) because I'm afraid of what might happen if CPS got involved, even though spanking's not against the law. My son talks horribly mean to both my husband & I, & has tried to spit on both of us! What can I do? How can I help my son change his behavior? Time-outs don't work, putting him in his room doesn't work, & my 2 year old's doing these damn tantrums now too! Except she's A LOT worse. help!

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lilydoyle

Asked by lilydoyle at 11:08 PM on Apr. 26, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 11 (501 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Tantrums, when they start, are normally an expression of a child's frustration with - well, with being a child. They are frustrated by their inability to communicate, to control their lives, and to do what they want. So the appropriate response from you as a loving parent is to empathize. This doesn't mean giving them what they want, if it's something unhealthy/dangerous/expensive whatever the reason. But it means communicating to him that you really are sorry he can't do or have what he desires; try to give him as much control as you can over his life, give him simple responsibilities and lots of hugs and genuine praise when he does things you approve of. Time outs and other punishments WILL make him resentful and angry. Wouldn't you be pissed if someone bigger and stronger made YOU sit in a corner?? Treat your child with love and respect and he will then learn love and respect. Bullying him teaches him to be a bully.
    judimary

    Answer by judimary at 11:14 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • First, time-outs are in a chair at the table. Second, he gets choices with everything possible, TONS of praise, hugs & kisses (when he's doing good). I know at his dad's house life is crappy; my son plays video games, watches tv, & is talked to like shit. I know my son is acting out, but everything I do to try & get him to talk about it only causes more hysterical fits, & when I reward him for good behavior, he comes back from dad's house even worse. As hard as i've worked with my son, & as far as we ever get in changing his behavior to what's appropriate, it just goes right out the window after being with dad. My son, before christmas, had finally become an overall great kid. He was us verbalizing every need & desire, had great maners, & wasn't having 'sibling rivalry issues' with his 2 younger sisters. The week after christmas? All that work I'd put in helping my son was gone! Back to square one.
    lilydoyle

    Comment by lilydoyle (original poster) at 11:26 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • I know my son doesn't want to be 'bad', he just is afraid to tell me what's really going on, & i don't know how to help him. I had gotten my son court-ordered counseling, after much fighting, but that didn't really help, it just made my ex be more careful. Now that the counselor's gone, against my judgement, my son's behavior's back to 'hell for all'. I don't have the time to take hime to Parent Child Interactive Therapy, & I'd need my ex's approval anyway. I'm afraid of what my son's trying to tell me, & i hate not being able to see through the wall. My son can verbalize excellently, he's just afraid to tell me what's going on, afraid of what his dad'll do, & i don't know how to help him.
    lilydoyle

    Comment by lilydoyle (original poster) at 11:36 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • http://www.ohio.com/lifestyle/112515904.html


    John Rosemond is wonderful.  He is a no nonsense type of child psychologist. 

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:39 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

  • KIds act out when they can't handle something going on in their life. It can also result from two different parenting styles. If things are more restricted with you, you'll get the brunt of his anger. If Dad just lets him do as he pleases, it will be difficult to show him how he should act. Good luck and check with a child pyschologist as mentioned above. It does help.
    TwinkleLites

    Answer by TwinkleLites at 12:42 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • well when i was a kid and started throwing a fit and my mom got tired of it she waited til i was done and then made me to it til she was satisfied i didnt do it to much more
    flipper4u21

    Answer by flipper4u21 at 9:58 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • frist do the spanking then sit him or her down say go head have a fit if it makes u happy then walk away then take away their favorote toys ,spank & tell them until they stop they don"t give them any sweets
    sassy21176

    Answer by sassy21176 at 3:29 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

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