Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do I get my teenage son to help me instead of make excuses why he can't?

My son has a small chore to do everyday. He refuses to do it. Waits until 8pm or 9pm to do it. Which is the time I try to get my homework done after working a full day and attending school. I know he's doing it to just make me mad. I have asked him to do his chore when he gets home so it's quiet for "us" to get our homework done. He will not listen to anything I suggest, he does what he wants. EVERYTHING is a yelling match. He does not care he is disrespectful, he does not care he gets his things taken away.

Answer Question
 
Supastar2u

Asked by Supastar2u at 3:50 PM on Dec. 3, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • MAKE him sit there and make him walk over there and watch him do it until its finished how it should be finished and continue doing so.

    when he asks why you are watching him tell him
    "you act like a baby, i have to watch you like a baby"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:51 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • One word my dear-Boundaries. He has none, or he used to have them with you but has pushed his way through them. If he's a teenager living in America-there must be a personal object or privilige that he really treasures. That is the thing I would take away until he came into compliance with your rules. He doesn't believe you anymore when you yell at him-make a believer out of him!

    My children are still very young, but I teach them every day about making choices and that their are consequences for the choice you make-be it good or bad.

    Does he have a certain bed time? If so, move it up. Does he have a cell phone? Take it away and lock it in the trunk of your car. Does he have a computer-remove the keyboard when you're not at home. Does he go out and play sports-tell the coach he can't participate until he learns the rules at home.
    Good Luck.
    boysmom67

    Answer by boysmom67 at 3:57 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • Totally opposite of what the others are saying, but bribery! My ds also doesn't care when I take things away so I bribe him if the chores are done by the time you want them done by he gets like $1.00 a day or a set amount a week or a per chore amount,if not no money and don't give him money when he wants to go somewhere so that the chore money is all he is getting.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 4:38 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • What does he do when he comes home from school? I would sit down calmly and talk to him. If he spends time on a computer, cell phone or watching television those should be shut off until the chore it done. Life is not a free ride. The sooner he just does his part and then has his time for himself the better off his is.
    My daughter just had her cable shut off and a short time ago she confiscated all cell phones. They were not using them in the way they were intended. Attitudes have changed dramatically.
    grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 5:45 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • Welcome to the the teenage rebellion stages. Feel free to PM me. I could write a novel.
    VaDivaMom

    Answer by VaDivaMom at 1:23 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Work out a rewards/consequences system. Be very clear on what you expect him to do, how to do it and what time it needs to be done. (also tell him that you will not remind/nag him) Make a chart to keep track of this each day. If he does not complete his chores DAILY than he can't participate in the things he wants to do (go to the mall, over a friends house ect.) or if he doesn't do his chores on Monday then he has no tv, computer or games (or something that he REALLY likes) on Tuesday. Don't argue with him, don't nag him. Make him see that if he wants to have privilidges, he has to do the work. Set down with him, go over everything and make yourself clear and then back off and let him make the decision to do what he needs to or suffer the consequences.
    MrsHart6

    Answer by MrsHart6 at 2:33 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • OK here's what you do. While he's at school...TAKE EVERYTHING OUT OF HIS ROOM...only thing that should be in there is a bed, dresser, and his clothes. That means posters, everything MUST GO. Like someone sd, take the keyboard from the computer, his cell phone, EVERYTHING, from him. Put it in your car. When he gets home sit him down and talk to him. Tell him things are gonna change around there. He WILL do his chores when he gets home, he WILL respect you, and there will be NO yelling, NO debating, NO nothing. YOU are the parents what you say goes. After a week, if he did his chores without you telling him, no yelling matches, and is respectful, slowly give him his things back. If he is sitting in his room with NOTHING he will eventually care. Trust me! Been there, done that.
    YanniSmoMMy

    Answer by YanniSmoMMy at 2:33 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • You don't specify what the chore is so it is a little difficult. IF this chore doesn't get done, what are the consequences? Let's say it is wash his clothes....if it doesn't get done, he doesn't have clean clothes. Or explain to him that by not doing one of his chores, you won't be doing one of yours (make it one that will effect him - like fixing him dinner or washing his clothes). trust me, he won't go hungry for long and eventually he'll run out of clean clothes. Yelling and screaming will get you nowhere. Trust me, I went "on strike" for about 2 days.....they were begging me to start again and in exchange they realized all I do for them and help out a bit more.
    the3jsandme

    Answer by the3jsandme at 7:06 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN