Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Dad in ICU, social worker pushing to pull the plug

Has anyone had to deal with this? My dad is in ICU..was on life support just shy of 2 weeks. During that whole time, we've been hounded by a group of people that aren't hospice, but are telling us ways he can go, comfortably. When we said we don't need your services right now, maybe at some point.. they finally backed off. So not long after that, the Social Worker for the hospital has been on us pushing us in the direction of pulling my dad off life support. When we called her on it, she says ohh we don't believe in Euthanasia! That is against the Law..We don't do that. We are so tired of repeating ourselves. I understand that is her job to be my dads advocate while he isn't able to talk..but she needs to know our Dad wants to fight, he will go down kicking and screaming....because thats just our Dad. He has COPD and was just diagnosed ith stage 4 Lung Cancer, he had a COPD a Bad Asthma attack and if he and my mother didn't decide to intibate him, he would have died from the fluid that built up in his lung from the cancer. We know the prognosis isn't good, but he wants as much time with his family as he can. I just wondered if anyone else has gone through this. We have a family friend who is a lawyer. With our next meeting with the Social Worker, my dad will be present. He was taken off life support today and doing well, so he will be there and our lawyer. Maybe then she will back off on the fact that my dad isn't coded..Does not want a DNR. He wants to LIVE!

Answer Question

Asked by aebrown at 4:02 AM on Apr. 27, 2011 in Health

Level 5 (61 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • This is a heart breaking situation, my husbands grandfather passed away a year ago, he had decided on a DNR, we watched him suffer for almost a week, of course they kept him "comfortable" but he was given no fluids or food, and was unresponsive by the time he reached the hospital..... There was a group there that tried to get him on life support.... and the family basically told them to mind their own business that they didn't have anything to say that they hadn't already thought of. You know what your dad wants, so stick to your guns and tell everyone else to butt out it's not their family and to mind their own business. Good Luck to you hun, Healing thoughts to you and your family.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 4:19 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • U def have means for a law suit there.....don't let them harass you into anything! U know your father best. Think about filing a complaint with the better business bureau ,state attorney general and the federal trade commission so other people know about how the workers there run the place....its your right as a citizen and all businesses have legal obligations for service and fall under some governmental jurisdiction

    Answer by Anastacia1988 at 4:25 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Call a lawyer and have them draw up a letter informing the hospital that if you are approached again you will start legal action . You have chosen not to utilize their services, but they continue to try and sway your family with emotionally manipulative tactics. Coercing a family in such situations is a crime.
    So sorry about your Dad being so sick.

    Answer by CallMeAngie at 5:07 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • With Stage 4 Lung Cancer your Dad is going to die. When? I believe he will die whenever God plans. How he dies, your dad and your family have choices. He can die peacefully surrounded by his family doing whatever he wants ( hospice, palliative care) or in an ICU when he cardiac arrest there will be a medical team re-intubating him, shocking him and /or pounding on his chest. Not a nice way to die, and the outcome will still end in death. The medical team in your hospital is attempting to prepare you. The decision lies with your dad and your family. The hospital team is really really trying to help. Being a DNR is NOT Euthanasia! Being a critical care nurse and having both my parent die I can see both sides. My thoughts and prayers are with your dad and your family at this difficult time.

    Answer by Rnurse at 5:48 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I wish you had checked the "adult content" button on this one... because my first thought was " Tell that social worker to *get bent*" ( and that's putting it nicely)

    I do agree with Rnurse -- she is spot on about the ins-and-outs of what they are saying. However, like others have said - you do have the right to say no, and have them NOT keep bothering the family with this issue. In the face of NOT HAVING A DNR - then your family and your dad have every right to tell them to shut the hell up and leave you to your family member to carry out HIS wishes without further interference from them. The very reason for having a living will (or DNR) on file is to have your own voice when the time comes that you may not be able to speak for yourself. I do hope you dad has a living will expressing his wishes - if the case is that he doesn't, then the final decision is his wife's call - period.
    In prayer for your family.

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 6:08 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • My Grandmother had a DNR and we watched her fade for a week after several massive strokes,and major brain damage. She was a fighter but her body was tired and she needed to go home. I needed her to be out of pain. I hope you are not keeping your Father out of selfishness, he is in great pain. The SW is out of line though.

    Answer by sweetangie79 at 6:16 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • im sorryso sorry, same situation with mother, we moved her. kept her pain free and let her pass when she was ready. as far as the facilities where you have your father. imo word of my is the best trial and jury for them and their antics. we needed our time with our mother not fighting, a social service representative(s), dealing with lawyers. we were explained every step what she was going through, diabetes, which left he amputeed to the left foot; heart failure, along with, an infectiousness disease? that start with a sore and spreads through the body. god I feel your pain. i feel your pain.


    Answer by AMMA554 at 7:20 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • praying


    Answer by AMMA554 at 7:26 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • *hugs* I will keep your family in my thoughts !

    Answer by Wish2Be at 7:38 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • My dad passed away in December from renal cell cancer that had spread to his lungs, brain and pancreas. He went into the hospital to be treated for dehydration from the flu and never came home. I do agree with the others, the hospital is trying to prepare you and do their jobs, I know its not easy and that they may seem to be a bit pushy but it is with your guys' best interest in mind I'm sure. My dads wishes were to not be kept alive so we decided no life support, so basically the fluid built up in his lungs, that his kidneys could no longer filter out and his heart could not keep up, he died of congestive heart failure, which isn't uncommon with cancer patients to die of complications not the cancer its self. Watching a loved on suffer on life support is not pleasant and if the outcome will be the same I would think that quality over quanity would apply, let the man go out with dignity and pride, not lay and suffer.

    Answer by tgh46737 at 8:33 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Health
PMS Depression adult content

Next question overall (Relationships)
How do i get over the pain? adult content