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Do i tell the dad

so i recently found out im 5 weeks pregnant, me and the dad are not together anymore. he is the type of guy to call me every 3 weeks and act like he is still in love with me then lead me on for few weeks and leave not to be heard from for weeks again. He has 3 children with 2 other ladies and brings all his new girlfriends around his kids after no time at all... he hasnt paid a cent in child support to any of his other baby mothers. He drinks ALOT and gets black out stupid drunk when he does.. he is also 27 and lives at home with his dad still.. i dont want to keep my child from knowing his father but in this situation i think it may be for the best... agh help..

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h2bnm21

Asked by h2bnm21 at 4:27 AM on Apr. 27, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 6 (104 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • geez hun, why did you even sleep with a guy like that? Tell him if you want your child to be involved with him and all of his new girlfriends. It's not like he's going to help buy diapers or start a college fund for your baby. Most men deserve to know, but I dunno if this guy worth the effort afforded most men...from what you said.
    CallMeAngie

    Answer by CallMeAngie at 4:34 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • You HAVE to tell him....how could u not? Wouldn't the guilt weigh you down? If not initally the child would prolly end up resenting the fact that you didn't and then he would go out looking for him as if he was superman or someone great or something...just tell him and say that you don't think he's responsible enough to help or share the responsibility...if he wants I'd meet him in a public place with the child ( indoor playplaces are great for all types of weather and are free) I'd take him for cs and if he doesn't pay get govt asst until u don't need it anymore...his track record doesn't sound good but he deserves a chance to give this child what a lot of children don't have a mom and a dad even if its just short visits everyonce in awhile....keep records of everything and talk to the domestic relations in your state maybe even go to a group/family therapist to go over the options before the baby comes good luck to you :)
    Anastacia1988

    Answer by Anastacia1988 at 4:50 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I feel for you! There are pros and cons to your situation.. I would tell the father, but I would also let him know first and foremost that the baby is yours, and that if he cant step up and be a parent to his other children, how will he be different with your child. My bestfriend never told the father of her baby that he was the dad and it made her resentful when she was older.. I think it best in my opinion to tell him but I also think that you should limit his access to "your child"! You and your baby deserve to be treated like royalty dont ever forget that!!!! I hope that you find someone that will love you and all of you all the time, not every 3wks. You dont deserve to have your head messed with in that way. I wish you all the best and hope that I have helped you just a little:-)
    marcijo182

    Answer by marcijo182 at 5:43 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Well, that's definitely your decision to make," to tell or not to tell?" You know him and what kinda person he is! I went through something similar and yesterday, I was at the sheriffs office filling out papers for them to arrest my 16 yr. olds" bio father" for lack of child support! My daughter's idea cause she can't stand him ! I'm just wondering if you can afford it cause it sounds like your gonna be on your own like I was. I fortunately married a wonderful man when my daughter was just 3 and her step daddy ardors her and looks at her like she's his! Sounds like you have a lot to think about , good luck, not an easy decision to make!

    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 5:44 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Personally I don't think I would tell him. There doesn't seam to be a plus side to it only negatives. It is your choice, but I don't think anything will change with him.

    sweetangie79

    Answer by sweetangie79 at 6:19 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Don't feel pressured to tell him. At least not yet. When the child is old enough to ask about their dad, and they are 18, they can go and search out the scum bag if they really feel the need... but telling the guy expecting him to change into a dad after three previous kids... probably not gonna happen... better to search for a new father figure for your baby.
    Flippindadaisie

    Answer by Flippindadaisie at 7:12 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I'd stay as far away from that boy as I could. I wouldn't mention the pregnancy and hopefully I could raise the child on my own never having to involve the sperm donor at all. His past and present behavior predicts his future behavior - run fast and far.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 8:49 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I'm agreeing with most others...don't tell him. It's ultimately your decision, but I can tell you from experience, with a guy like that, it's easier to be a single mother. But if he calls you acting like he's in love with you in a couple weeks, break his heart this time and maybe change your number. Don't let him manipulate you, if you know that's what he'll do. Do you know either of his kids moms? They'll probably tell you life would be easier without him. Chances are, you'll meet a better guy that will love you and your baby and your kid will end up with a great daddy. I just see this guy hurting the kid by being in and out of his life, and not helping with anything. I wouldn't tell him, and I would tell the hospital I don't know who the father is when they ask for the birth certificate.
    TJandKarasMom

    Answer by TJandKarasMom at 9:39 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Well, it's tough and you will have to be strong. I would tell him. I would cut off contact with him until he can prove you are "the one" and show that he can be a real 'daddy'. When the baby comes, guaranshee his wages for child support. Get supervised visitations and stipulate that while your baby can be around his other children, you don't want your baby exposed to the other women. I think that is reasonable. This guys is most likely never going to step up to the plate. I'm sure he has hurt you and he will hurt his children with his irresponsible and immature behavior. However, if you close the door before your child can make his/her own decision about how much they want to be involved with their Dad, it may come back to haunt you down the road.
    mrslabel

    Answer by mrslabel at 11:01 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • wow thank you, all of you!! this has really helped alot in how i am feeling! I know in the end i do not want my child around a man like that or experiencing that life style!
    h2bnm21

    Comment by h2bnm21 (original poster) at 3:03 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

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